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Top 10 – Characters Who Shouldn’t Have Bothered

GeekOut Top 10s

Don’t you hate it when you’re all hyped up for a fight; only to find out that you’re so severely outclassed, that you really shouldn’t have actually mustered up the energy to make your way there? Or when you’re surrounded by people who are constantly just… better than you? This is when you’re so seriously out of your league, that you’re basically walking to your death, or your own obscurity. Welcome back to our Top 10 readers, where this week we look at our Top 10 characters who shouldn’t have bothered.


Top 10

10) Batman – The Lego Movie

Let’s get this kicked off with an unpopular choice, we’ll make it up to you though. While his performance more than earned a spinoff feature length that was freakin awesome I find myself asking the question… in the first Lego Movie, what did Batman actually do? He picked up Emmet and Wyldstyle during their escape from Badcop, and after that… well that’s it.

And to be honest, there were many ways they could have escaped that jam without having to bring Batman into play. Would the film have been as funny? No, but the poor guy saves the hero who eventually takes his girlfriend. Not only did he basically show up to do not an awful lot, it also screws him over quite badly. Best he got out of it was a spinoff, in which he was sad and lonely but did manage to save the day.

9) Jar Jar Binks – Star Wars

Told you we’d make it up to you. The simple fact is that Jar Jar holds a fundamentally important role in the Star Wars universe, and there’s a great deal of good he did as the Otoh Gungan representative of Naboo in the senate, the greatest of which being providing providing emergency powers to Senator Palpatine… what a good idea that proved to be.

Shall we build on the fact that this illustrious career was built on the back of being banished by Boss Nass for being a klutz? And spawning one of the most laughable fan theories in fan theory history. For all he manages to accomplish as a senator he undoes it a thousand times over in and out of universe, by also being a tremendous nail in the coffin of the prequel trilogy. Even as a general he manages to bumble his way into some tremendous acts of heroism, an embarrassment that somehow made it to the upper echelons of galactic government.

8) Butters – South Park

We considered Kenny, but in between his constant demises he accomplishes a great deal. Butters on the other hand spends most of his existence as little more than a patsy to Cartman’s diabolical scheming, and on the off chance Butters tries to get in some scheming of his own under the guise of Professor Chaos, he’s almost always outdone by his own incompetence, lack of imagination, or fear of what his parents might do to him.

His greatest accomplishment to date has to be the war in Imaginationland, resurrecting imaginary heroes to fight for goodness and light, but the reality of that entire incident is highly questionable, and was in fact the subject of a court case that didn’t even involve him. It’s a wonder he gets out of bed in the morning, but that sunny disposition is apparently indestructible. It needs to be.

7) Iago – Aladdin

Ultimately, when we looked at characters to add to this list, we needed to try to get an understanding of what the purpose of a character is. Now, this might sting a bit, as Iago is a cool enough character, within reason. The problem happens in a few ways, such as how Iago kinda does nothing of any real importance throughout the entire film, but he talks a lot.

The real failure however lies in what type of character Iago is. You might be happy to obviously point out that he’s a parrot and yes, you’re right there. That’s not his problem. He’s a sidekick, which is secondary to the much more lovable Abu. He’s also supposed to be comedic relief, but he’s once again second to the mighty Robin Williams as the Genie. If anything, Iago shows us how good the film was, because in any other Disney film, he may have stood a chance at standing out.

At least he’s a parrot.

6) Robert Paulson – Fight Club

His name was Robert Paulson…

Albeit Robert ‘Bob’ Paulson is cast by the fantastic Meat Loaf, which when you say that out loud sounds derogatory, considering the gimmick of Bob, he never manages to get off the ground in this film. Oh sure, it’s definitely a classic title, which I’d reckon everyone should watch at some point in their lives. However, Bob is a terribly tragic character that we first encountered in a support group for men with testicular cancer.

Bob was originally a ‘juicer’, or someone who takes steroids to make their body appear larger than is. In return, he gained his testicular cancer and had to have his testicals removed. He joined the Fight Club on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning that he never met the narrator. On his first Fight Club operation, where he was supposed to be part of a group who went in to destroy a piece of corporate art and trash the place. He took a gunshot to the head and that was the end of Robert Paulson.

5) Negative Man – Mother 3

Exactly what you expect from this disappointing encounter, he’s just really negative about everything. Except his damage, to which he poses no threat what so ever. He’s ultimately absolutely worthless and he hates his existence so much that he tells you just how worthless he is. A crying shame for the Spongebob wannabe, who could have amounted to so much more.

Heck, he’s not even a fight you have to do! He’s so upset and useless that he’s put himself away from the action, just so you don’t have to bother with him. It begs the question of why he even bothered going there? I mean he wants the protagonists to defeat him, yet he hides away. He’s a mess; a contradiction and forever a character who shouldn’t have bothered.

4) Theon Greyjoy – Game of Thrones

Oh Theon, poor unloved little Theon. After being taken in as a ward to the Stark family he endeavours to reach out to his father to aid the Starks in their own war. His father naturally refuses and demands instead that Theon go back and take the lands once owned by his adoptive family to prove his loyalty to house Greyjoy. To his credit he pulls it off, and then immediately loses the whole of the North of Westeros, his freedom, his identity, and his ~cough~ favourite toy. The rest of his life is spent as a nameless servant to the mad Boultons, and no one cares, probably not even his sister any more, she has other things on her plate.

It’s one thing in Game of Thrones to be hated, or even loved; your death will invoke a reaction from the crowd. Celebration, despair, shock, but when Theon dies will anyone say more than “Oh  hey, finally put him out of our misery”? Truth be told he might even live to see the end, after all he has nothing left to live for now.

3) Nicholas De-Mimsy Porpington – Harry Potter

Failing in life is one thing, bearing a constant reminder through the afterlife is rather another. After an unpleasant incident involving the teeth of a woman for whom Nicholas De-Mimsy Porpington had affections for, he was treated to execution by an apparent amateur. Forty-five swings of the axe left the remaining spectre with the nickname “Nearly Headless Nick”.

And afterlife is no picnic for the partially decapitated. Though he holds station in Gryffindor tower, Porpington’s haunt is only improved by his proximity to Harry Potter, earning him some reputation amongst the institution’s other ghostly inhabitants, but sadly not quite enough to earn him a place amongst the Headless Hunt. And how unlucky must one be to be turned to ghost-stone by a basilisk? All in all Nearly-Headless Nick doesn’t have much fortune, before or after death, and probably shouldn’t have bothered coming back.

2) Dan Hibiki – Street Fighter

Arrogant, overconfident and feeble is how the Street Fighter Wikia represents him. In fact, in every way that Dan exists, he’s something of a disappointment not only to his peers but really himself too. But in his mind, he believes he’s a man of many talents. He’s created his own martial art, he runs his own dojo and none of that matters – Because even his dojo is failing. Nevertheless, his arrogance keeps him coming back for more punishment.

Dan has one saving grace however and that’s his actual knowledge of martial arts in general. It might seem like a strange point to make, but due to his knowledge of fighting styles, he sometimes manages to save himself. He’s also a really good guy, so sometimes, just being good can save you from complete obscurity. But don’t worry – In canon he really is a big old loser and we kind of love him that way. He probably shouldn’t have bothered, but thanks a lot for trying, Dan.

1) Hercule – DragonBall Z

Mr. Satan, or Hercule as us Westerners know him, is our top spot for this list. Now, like many of the characters on this list, there’s a plethora of good that he’s accomplished, but nothing would overcome the insanely fast loss he had to Cell during the Cell Games saga. With one backhand, Hercule, the supposed hero of Earth, lost on television. But that didn’t stop him from watching that whole tournament go down. He was convinced that he truly was the strongest man on Earth until that point.

So yes, really, when we dreamed up this list, we knew Hercule had to have a mention. But considering he tried to fight the mighty Cell and, really, caused more problems than he did good, with the media’s attention, due to the overly braggadocious nature of the man – He had to make number one. I mean he helped during the Buu saga and began to realise he was a bit of a hinderance rather than a help, but he’s seriously so boastful, that he asks people to basically leap out of the ring so he can win a televised match. Now THAT is Sports Entertainment™!


Honourable Mentions

Some people just end up finishing last, because they just weren’t ready. Some people end up dying really fast, because that’s really all they’re good for. Nevermind the fact they could help people in the process, they are just not really prepared for what comes their way. Here’s some more examples, who just couldn’t even make this list. Gosh, they really shouldn’t have bothered…

James Ellsworth – WWE

 

Oh Jimmy Dream, how you fell to a goliath so quickly. You inspired so many people with your mantra of “Any man with two hands has a fighting chance” and yes, we loved the fact you even got your own merchandise in the WWE. But since then, you turned on the one man who was trying to look out for you and you’ve now fallen out of the main event scene, likely to never go back there again.

You can argue that actually, for a guy who just thought he had a fighting chance and nothing else, that he did good with his monstrous loss to Braun Strowman. Just because you stand up to someone big though, doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to be loved. In fact, ever since the day you turned on your former friend, you’ve been relegated to being someone’s manager. Sort of. It’s really more that he’s now just become a whipping boy – And that’s fine.

The First Death in Any Film

It can’t be easy going through life with everyone around you just rooting for you to die, but it has to happen eventually. I mean it’s still a horror film, odds are not in your favour, and while the old stereotype of “black dude dies first, pure and innocent virgin gets to live” has been buried under the patio long ago, someone’s going to get killed and we’ll get just long enough to really invest in your life before that guy or terrible monster sneaks up behind you and stabs you repeatedly with its knife face.

EXAMPLE: Fujiyoshi – Battle Royale

She’s the girl who stands up in class to question the teacher – and takes a knife to the head for her troubles. She dies before she gets to the combat island. Or at least before she gets onto the island, I guess.


Man, to think that a lot of these characters we either barely knew the name of, or we forgot they even existed in their film/game or otherwise says heaps about how much they should have bothered. They really were pushing it and now we’re looking past this rabble and onto next week’s article. Why not help us decide what article we write next week in the poll below?

We saw some good characters with poor casting, we saw useful characters mess up what makes them useful, in fact, we’ve seen it all! But that’s precisely the problem – We’ve been there, done that, got the tshirt and laughed as these characters crashed and burned hard. But what did you make of this week’s Top 10? Did we get the right characters for the list, or did we forget some really uninspired characters? Let us know in the comments below or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit!


Top 10 Mad Scientists

GeekOut Top 10s

Ahahaha! Ahahaha–!!!

… Ah. There really wasn’t much to laugh about, was there? Anyway, welcome back to our weekly Top 10, ladies and gentlemen, where we take a topic that you choose and we choose the best of the best in that category. Today’s subject is a little bit experimental, as we’re going to be looking at our Top 10 Mad Scientists and write up our thesis about their potentials for the top spot. We’ve taken a lot of candidates and we felt like we’d do something a bit different for this one. We’ve put a pinch of this and a dash of that together to give birth to a list which shows off the best of the best of these mad scientists. Creation is a powerful tool; so let’s see what these scientists can bring to life!


Top 10

10) Mayuri Kurotsuchi – Bleach

Captain of the 12th Division of the Soul Society’s militarised wing of Shinigami, dedicated to hunting the hollow and damned souls who still stalk the living world, and who’s vast counterparts dwell in their own little demi-plane and covetously eye the realm of mortals. The devastating powers of the greater Hollows like the Menos Grande and the Espada require the use of increasingly terrible weapons to use against them. Enter the head of the science division, who is a brilliant master of biology and chemistry, implementing toxins and biological engineering to create defences and countermeasures of awesome potency.

But he is waaaay off his rocker. He has no regard for life, evaluating everyone by their use as a test subject, including his second in command and hand-made “daughter” Nemu. Even his own mortal shell is just a plaything for his twisted brain, keeping his organs and inner workings in jars… somewhere, having greatly improved on his own design. When faced with an Espada with the power to destroy organs with only a “voodoo” doll, he feigns his own death by vomiting blood and folding at hideous angles, before standing, laughing it off, and straight up butchering the creature with barely a thought to the others who were suffering around him.

9) Doctor Evil – Austin Powers

Frickin’ sharks with laser beams attached to their heads!

Okay, so let me start by explaining that Doctor Evil is actually not always the one who creates; but he’s often the brains behind the operations. Sure he’s not exactly the smartest brain behind the operations, that probably belongs to his son, but he’s definitely amongst the most dangerous minds around. In fact, Doctor Evil probably is one of the least intelligent geniuses to have ever existed in all media.

You see, he’s rich as all heck (Somehow); He has legions of minions (Somehow); He has friends (Somehow) and (Somehow) he manages to do some pretty crazy things, such as intimidate the president of the United States of America, by playing footage from Independence Day. He’s not the brightest, but so long as he has access to so many people to build his crazy ideas, he’s going to keep on doing evil things. Now if only he would stop being interrupted by Austin Powers – Time to steal his mojo!

8) Doctor Albert Wily – Mega Man

Probably the epitome of a cranky old man, Dr. Wily is one crazy, creative scientist who managed to turn something good into something terrible. You see, Wily wasn’t always a cranky old man; instead he was once a colleague of the esteemed Dr. Light, a scientist who created robots for the betterment of mankind. Unfortunately, Wily being under his wing meant that Wily knew how those robots worked and was able to reprogram them into something much more sinister and evil. I guess, when your surname is ‘Wily’ you know you’re going to be trouble.

He’s actually had some degree of success, come to think of it. You see in the original game, he was actually taking over the world with the robots he stole. In the second game, he created his own robots to try and take over the world. In the third, he pretended to have changed his ways, whilst still manipulating robots. In the fourth game he captured an esteemed scientist’s daughter – and so on and so forth. If there’s nothing else to say about him, Wily somehow always manages to bounce back after being defeated by Rockman/Mega Man.

7) Algernop Krieger – Archer

Former Nazi scientist and master of cybernetic enhancement, dangerous biochemistry, and highly illegal sciences, Algernop Krieger works for the worst intelligence agency in the world, formerly known as ISIS (but undergoing several facelifts due to unfortunate connections with a present day organisation, you get the idea). Krieger has a catalogue of horrifying creations to his name, a pig/human hybrid, a goat/human hybrid, a crazy killer cyborg with multiple personalities, and some of the most messed up hallucinogens.

There are many questions best not asked about Krieger, many of which he has asked “Is it technically murder if they’re my clones?” and what happens to the hobos who he invites in for free meals, and what exactly happened to Len Trexler. Despite having never technically earned a qualification, Krieger is alarmingly intelligent, wildly unhinged, and a possible clone of Hitler himself. Probably better off under Malory Archer’s control than back in Brazil though.

6) Frank-N-Furter – Rocky Horror Picture Show

Doctor Frank-N-Furter, from transexual Transylvania, is an absolute genius madman who lives in a massive manor far away from most city life. In fact, when newly engaged couple Janet and Brad have a flat tyre, they notice the manor is the only place that they can get to. Thinking they could manage calling someone to come and replace their tyre, they’re invited in and are made to enjoy the customs of Doctor Frank-N-Furter himself, who takes extra special interest in the pair of them.

Frank-N-Furter claims to have found the secret of life itself; claiming that he was able to make a living being. He wasn’t lying, as he managed to make Rocky come to life; His vision of a perfect man. Say what you want about Rocky Horror Picture Show, but Frank-N-Furter is a true classic staple of Sci-Fi goodness. Of course, he is quite a parody of a certain “Ugly monster” which we’ll be talking about later in this Top 10, but my goodness, if I could look as good as Frank-N-Furter whilst making life, I know I would!

5) Professor Farnsworth – Futurama

Mad may not quite cover Hubert J. Farnsworth, the man who treats doomsday machines as family and family as layabout parasites who sit on his couch and shirk their jobs… because they are. Farnsworth has done it all, time machines, intelligent monkeys, killer robots – during his days contracting at MomCorps – and every other manner of reality warping and brain melting device. His masterpiece ship pushes the universe around it, all while remaining absolutely stationary, which raises the question “What if you have two?”

Farnsworth is a god amongst machines in a very real sense, and has created life on numerous occasions. The man’s senility coupled with his tendency to tinker with the fabric of reality makes for a rather daunting mix, and may indeed have been forced to destroy and recreate the universe or perform some similarly horrifying task to cover up some even more terrible blunder! And he may do it again without a second thought… but he is  already in his pyjamas.

So that’s good news I suppose.

4) Otto Octavius – Spider-Man

A megalomaniac who’s body has irreversibly fused with the mechanical tentacles that he uses to manipulate radioactive and dangerous substances, Doctor Octopus is possessed of a determination to achieve great scientific achievements and damn the consequences or who is harmed or what master is served along the way. The classic Spider-Man nemesis was superbly brought to life by Alfred Molina with a subtly different adaption, but can we please talk about the whole mind-swapping thing that happened in the comics?

Octavius managed to implant Peter Parker’s mind into his own decaying corpse (long story) and take the place of Spider-Man. After being forced to understand what made Spidey a hero, the life he’d led, Otto decided, not only to take up the mantle of the Wall Crawler, but to be an even better version! Superior Spider-Man, complete with mechanical spider-limbs! Seriously for quite some time now the Spider-Man of the comics has been the brain of one of his biggest nemeses riding around in Parker’s body. Kinda weird, kinda cool, all mad science! This may be a few too many exclamation marks for a single paragraph, but damn Marvel, that’s some seriously crazy narrative.

3) Victor Frankenstein VS Henry Jekyll

How are you supposed to choose the best mad scientist from classic literature? We didn’t. We’ll make our cases for our favourites; you choose who’s just crazy enough for the number 3 slot.

Frankenstein’s Argument – Timlah

Doctor Victor Frankenstein is a scientist who studied chemical processes for a living, when he suddenly came across a way to effectively create life itself. From understanding how living beings decay, along with a morbid fascination for how to create life in an inanimate object, Victor set about making a humanoid. Now, presumably, Victor stole body pieces, or at least was donated them but this is never really fully described.

Victor creates Frankenstein itself (or Frankenstein’s Monster as it’s often referred to) and whilst an impressive feat, he is mortified with what he’s created. He wanted to make life; but he didn’t expect it to be so ugly a being. Fleeing his creature, Victor lives with the regret of making his monster, who went around murdering. They say you cannot kill what you did not create, but they rarely tell you that what you create may kill you.

Jekyll’s Argument – Joel

Henry Jekyll’s greatest achievement in life was proving that man is capable of tremendous goodness and terrible evil. In an effort to separate, control, and ultimately destroy the evil side of man he creates an alternate personality, a wholly different creature within his own mind made of his darkest urges. Edward Hyde is a monster by deed only (not the freakish mutant that pop culture seems to have conjured up by NOT READING THE BOOK), beating men to death, indulging every dark urge with a strength born of unbridled rage.

If we’re talking about the creators of classic monsters, Frankenstein may have had a mishap toying with the nature of life, but Jekyll found out how to unleash the monster that dwells within all of us. In the end of course, the sweet and loving side of himself that remained chose to make the ultimate sacrifice to spare everyone the wrath of Hyde. Maybe not quite so mad all told, but y’know, still pretty out there.

2) Rick Sanchez – Rick and Morty & Doc Brown – Back to the Future

It’d be negligent not to list these two side by side in the same entry, as Roiland and Harmon have never hidden the parody origins of Rick and Morty.

Emmet Brown may not be quite so unhinged as his caricature but his lunatic devotion to his craft makes him rather dangerous. Building a time machine out of an old Delorian and taking a hormonal teenager back in time with him was dangerous to begin with, but from there the two just seem to enjoy toying with reality! They spend the subsequent movies generating every paradox that geeks and nerds would deliberate for years to come, but that may not be the end of Doc Brown’s legacy.

Rick Sanchez began life as a drunken parody of Emmet, but has become something unknowably terrible. Wanted by every major government in the known multiverse, including one his many duplicates formed among themselves, Rick may no longer be from his own universe, in fact he may have changed his family for an exact copy repeatedly. He’s an embattled veteran of terrible wars, a convict of the most secure prison in existence, and has fought against the galactic government, the council of Ricks and the devil himself.

No doubt which is the madder scientist, but you can’t fairly separate the two.

1) Doctor Ivo Eggman/Robotnik – Sonic the Hedgehog

Doctor Ivo Eggman, or Robotnik depending on what you’re used to, is one evil, evil man with a glorious mustache. He’s usually seen flying around the place in a strange pod called The Egg Mobile; or the Egg-Pod… Or– Y’know, let’s not list all of the names right now. The point is, he flies around in this strange pod, has some very cool theme tunes dedicated to his flying around and he’s got a very freakish obsession with trying to kill off a blue hedgehog, as well as capturing woodlands creatures.

Sure, it doesn’t sound all that mad, but when you think about the sheer volume of things he’s created, it’s a wonder where he gets all of his funding from. However as long as he has his Egg Mobile, he’ll always somehow manage to get out of any certain death situations. He’ll escape back to his hideouts, which includes a freakishly large battleship called The Egg Carrier… And he’ll just get on with his next invention. Love him, hate him, regardless it’s undeniable that he might not be far from the truth when he calls himself the world’s greatest scientist. Depending on the game, show, comic or otherwise, he can be quite the complex moral character. Whatever side he’s on, he’s always creative, always persistent and always dangerous. He’s definitely the maddest scientist on this list.

Think of it like this; whilst all of the above scientists are thoroughly accomplished in their own rights, Robotnik has made robots, who create things that he dreams up. Robotnik then has created something that is able to aid him in creating more things for himself.


Honourable Mentions

This list was full of characters that we really didn’t want to forget about; so much so that we decided that for once, two slots on our honourable mentions just wasn’t enough. So here’s six honourable mentions that we even considered putting into our main Top 10 list itself. Remember that we’re going to make a Top 10 eBook? This entry will become an exclusive Top 20!

N. Gin – Crash Bandicoot

Doctor Neo Cortex’s right-hand-man; definitely the science behind the evil masterminds plans. N. Gin replaces Doctor Biro after the events of the first Crash Bandicoot game. Being part cyborg himself, N. Gin has a natural affinity for learning about sciences and creating evil machines and lasers. He’s seriously dangerous and seemingly has a nuke stuck out of his head. He’s not one to be trifled with and in the events of Crash 2, he’s seen in a giant mech suit that he built. Crazy, inventive and dangerous – A bad-to-the-metal-bone mix.

Rintarō Okabe – Steins;Gate

Okay, he’s not really a mad scientist, but he seems to think that he is. In all honesty, the amount of things Okabe has actually made could probably be counted on one hand. But he refers to himself as a mad scientist, which is “so cool”. But, even though he seems obsessed with branding himself in this way, he might not be far from the truth. He has extensive knowledge about time machines and he’s got a small team who are willing to help him with his strange, yet often interesting creations.

Professor Putricide – World of Warcraft

 

This is one strange, strange man – But trust me when I say he’s hugely important for the story of Warcraft in general. He’s the mad scientist behind the development of all forms of blight, plague, ooze, scourge, and death delivery. You can find him in a 25-man raid in Icecrown Citadel’s Plagueworks wing. He may be a relatively simple throw-away character in the grand scheme of things, but really if he didn’t exist, the scourge may not have plagued the world of Azeroth as much as they had.

Doctor Nefario – Despicable Me

Long time colleague and mastermind behind the villain, Gru owes most of his success to Nefario’s various constructs and contraptions, as well as the horde of genetically engineered yellow bubbles of usefulness (whose blueprints can be seen on the wall in the kid’s room, the prequel is a lie!). Nefario’s days of villaining are behind him, but he’s content to work behind the scenes so long as his works are only used for evil.

Singed – League of Legends

Literally called the Mad Chemist, Singed is one of the earliest League of Legends champions to have been introduced. He is a master chemist, so he’s great with toxins such as poison. He’s also pretty good with adhesives as well. He can slow his opponents down and just poison them; a slow brutal death. He’s able to handle himself pretty well in a fight, often favouring a slow, poisonous kill over an all out assault. He’s dangerous and can seriously change a team fight, as well as being durable in combat by himself.

Lex Luthor – Superman

It can sometimes be easy to forget that business mogul and CEO of Lexcorp is not all business, but can pull off science when he needs to as well. As a man on a mission to defeat a god, Luthor has mastered most fields of science and engineering, and constructed a suit of armour designed to tackle the Man of Steel himself. It’s no small feat, although his biggest to date may be stealing forty cakes. That’s as many as four tens.

And that’s terrible.


Everybody, cover your heads, there’s yet another assault on our cities by giant mechs! Send out those electronic pulses and switch them off – The monsters are alive and it’s all down to these mad men who got a taste of power… And they liked it. But science can be a very scary subject indeed – That’s why these men are so mad after all. They do what the rest of us could only dream to accomplish and it’s all because they have had that taste of power. Scary, to think that typically it’s age that makes you most mad.

Our experiment was a complete success and we ended up producing more in our results than anticipated; They called us mad, they said it couldn’t be done, but we’ve now listed our Top 10 favourite Mad Scientists. A little bit sad, but we couldn’t remember any female mad scientists: is this a niche that just needs to be captured? Let us know if you know of any female mad scientists in the comments below, or why not let us know what you thought of this weeks Top 10? Did we get the right candidates in our list, or did we forget about the best scientists known? Do you agree with our order? As always, leave us a comment below, or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.


Top 10 – Fictional Celebrities

GeekOut Top 10s

Worlds filled with fictional characters require people to fulfil every role. While we may follow the riveting adventures of school children and taxi drivers, they remain fascinated by popular characters that are only popular to them. You’ll never see a film starring these actors, nor read the works of the authors listed here, but to someone who doesn’t exist they’re very, very real.

If that made any sense, plough on gentle reader, through our Top 10 Fictional Celebrities. (more…)


Top 10 Fictional Documents

Amidst the worlds of literature, film and other media there are a host of works that simply don’t exist. From novels that sweep the world, textbooks of the strange and wondrous, and instructions on how to do the impossible. Though we may never have access to the miracles within those pages, we get to see their fictitious impact, because words matter.

Here we catalogue the finest works of non-existent prose, poetry, documentation, and scripture. Join us as we list the Top 10 fictional documents.

(more…)


Top 10 Collectables

GeekOut Top 10s

This time, we’re gathering up every thought we could think of, to create a collection of… Well, collectables. Because of just how broad the collectables collective truly is, we decided to limit these collectables, based on two major criteria. A collectable to be considered for this list needs to either be:

  • A vast range of different things to get.
  • Something you get lots of to get something special in return.

As such, we’re not going to accept really vague collectables, or objects that are put in game with no big reward. We considered just about everything we could think of, from video games, physical mediums, literature, tv series, films – You named it, we’ve thought about it. These are the Top 10 Collectables within geekdom, but this is such a broad subject, get your typing fingers ready, as you’ll likely know of one we totally forgot!


Top 10

10) Rings – Sonic the Hedgehog

Were you expecting to see the Chaos Emeralds here? Hah, you would have been sort of right anyway. You see, rings act as a sort of life indicator for Sonic. As long as he has one ring in his possession, he doesn’t need to worry about being hit so much. He can be hit with freaking missiles and those rings will protect him. In the Casino Nights Zone, you can spend these in the slot machines. Furthermore, collect one hundred of these shiny objects and Sonic gets an extra life (as well as quickly needing another ring!)

However, whilst they give score, health and even extra lives, it’s when you collect ALL of the Chaos Emeralds that things get truly interesting. The power of the Chaos Emeralds send Sonic into a Super Sonic state, but at the cost of rings. Starting from 50 rings, Sonic gets faster, becomes invincible and gets to be a bright yellow colour, just like the Saiyans of DragonBall. Just like them indeed…

9) Cards – Trading Card Games

Less a collection, more an addiction. Whatever your chosen game there’s always a new set, a new pack, a new deck to build, some new mechanic to exploit. And it’s amazing how quickly the odd booster becomes a quick box every now and again, and a bedroom becomes a shrine to cardboard.

Be it Magic: the Gathering, Pokémon, Weiss and Schwartz, YuGiOh, or any of the other thousands of CCGs there’s a collection for everyone, ready and waiting to capitalise on your capital. Mercifully they’re moving into an increasingly digital format, with Mojang’s Scrolls, Blizzard’s Hearthstone, CD Projekt’s Gwent. It may surprise you how much space little slivers of cardboard can occupy, but the digital copies are no cheaper.

8) Djinn – Golden Sun Franchise

It’s weird to think of collecting spirits of the planets as a collectable, but clearly they are collectables. There’s so many of these blighters, that getting all of them is pretty impressive. Through three main series games, Isaac’s team, Felix’s team or Matthew’s team will collect Djinn, learn the power of the elements and become powerful adepts.

The Djinn do powerful as all hell attacks, but usually at the cost of your stats and class. Sometimes you have to battle one to get it to join you, other times you have to do a relatively complex puzzle. Sometimes still, you have to beat optional bosses including a Superboss that many consider to be one of the hardest in any RPG. They are there for you to collect, they make bigger and more powerful summons as the game goes on and they look awesome when you summon them.

7) Comic Books

Here’s the geeky classic. Shops in forgotten alleys filled with boxes upon boxes of back issues, diehards trawling through each and every one looking for that missing copy to complete the story, pick out some unique cover by a particular artist, or the occasional rare comic worth a small fortune to the right man, to be squirrelled away and treated with the same reverence as one might treat the original Magna Carta.

The world of comics is enormous, stories written and rewritten, major universe events, characters coming and going, and all the big companies produce limited runs and collector’s editions for special moments, with alternative cover art. The value of a rare items is incredible, magnified tremendously by an autograph, so it’s little wonder that people are so keen to hunt down anything they can find, just in case.

6) Minifigures – Lego

Though it’s an awesome toy – without question the best construction toy on the market as testified by its use in industry – you’d never really consider Lego a collectable item. There are sets that can be completed; film, television, and video game based sets; but nothing that one might obsessively gather in a feverish need to complete the collection as a whole. But the minifigures bear all the hallmarks of a classic collection.

Starting in 2010, series one of the minifigures feature such simple but fun characters as cavemen, zombies, and crash-test dummies. Series seventeen will star dwarf berserker, 80’s yuppie and man-on-the-cob. They’re certainly not running out of ideas any time soon, and even better this Lego collectible can be mixed and matched better than any other on this list.

5) Pogs

C’mon 90s boys and girls, you know it and I know it. These things drove parents mad, made collectors even more mad and people didn’t know what to do about them. Everything you loved from the 90s became a Pog! From Pokémon, through to famous bands, there was a Pog for everyone of every interest. There were whole board games which took the Pog craze and made them even bigger.

Naturally, that left Pogs as a sort of a strange collectable from the 90s. It wasn’t because the official Pog game was any good, that was just using a slammer to slam into Pogs and then playing pick up afterwards. Instead, Pogs mainly became collectable, an intrigue for many, a fascination for a few. Seriously, we miss these circular cardboard pieces with pictures on them.

4) Riddler Trophies – Arkham series

One of the most iconic depictions of the caped crusader, the Arkham series is renowned for its character work, detailed world, flowing combat style and mixture of gameplay that offers something for everyone; even the obsessive collectors. Dotted around Gotham’s darkest corners, the Riddler has left neon-lit trophies for Batman to gather, often concealed, or warded by some complex lock or trap.

Some of them include some pretty cool unlockable content, lore, character skins or models, challenge maps, a secret boss (depending on the game) but mostly they just add a new challenge, something else to work towards for that 100% completion. It’s also a lot of fun shaking down Nigma’s henchmen and spies for info, changing the dynamic of combat, saving the key-goon for last.

3) Dragon Balls

One by itself makes for a great hat bobble, apparently, but other than that, they are just rare orange orbs with stars in them. These titular collectable balls are oft-forgotten in the realm of the DragonBall fandom. They are bright, they are powerful and they always serve as a major function in the series, so they’re obviously very valuable to collect.

They contain the mighty Shenron, a dragon of immense power. Shenron can grant nearly any wish the summoner wants, but there are certain limitations, such as if the wish relates to another person, they must want the wishes to occur too. He cannot do things for those who are unwilling.

2) Pop Vinyl – Funko

Though it may not be to everyone’s tastes, the oddly distorted and slightly chibi-fied renditions of pop/geek-culture characters are unquestionably loved by enough people that any comic-book shop you wander into has been partially absorbed by shelf upon shelf of Funko’s immense collection of figurines.

Is it because there’s something for every fandom in their catalogue? Could it be the incredibly esoteric figures that delve deeply into the obscure corners of comic-book, movie, and anime fandom with lesser known characters and costumes? Could it be that they’re cheap and easy gifts and featured heavily in lootcrate and its’ imitators? It’s probably all of those rhetorical questions and more!

1) Pokemon

Not even the most up to date list!

“Gotta catch ‘em all”

Thinking back across the years, very few collections stay in one big pile. You have comic books, but they’re all different collections. You have trading card games, but time goes on and sure, older cards in mint condition are worth quite a bit, but nothing is quite as priceless as catching them all, no matter what Gen you’re in. Whether it’s Kanto, Johto or even Alola.

So why not grab your gameboy, gather your decks, both virtual and physical, get your mangas, Pokémon have to be caught in different ways, for different media formats. After all you won’t catch them all on the handheld titles by trying to buy them. Unless you buy a cartridge with them all already pre-loaded, but where’s the fun in that? It’s the ultimate franchise of catching them all, 90s-present.


Honourable Mentions

Some collectables are just there, as if you really don’t think much about it. One day, you’re roaming through the lush hillsides, then you have to get yourself home. As a dragon falls from the skies, you happen to see that as it lands, something really important to pick up is right there. You rush up to the dragon and you can’t help yourself. You look around, feeling dirty, but you’ve gotta get it. You reach towards the dragons skull and you pick up…

Books – The Elder Scrolls

The Elder Scrolls franchise has many, many pages of books for everyone to read through. From the informative books to introduce you to the lore of a town, to spell books, to books about Lusty Argonian Maids, The Elder Scrolls games know how to really add flavour to their worlds, but many people don’t even bother with these books unless they get something in return for having them.

If you’re looking for a collection to try in Skyrim, why not start a book collection? Go on out to the wilds, find as many books to take to your quaint Breezehome, put them in your shelves and watch angrily as they all lamely fall over. Even worse, when you let Lydia anywhere near your books. Worse still, when you FUS RO DA!

Video Games

Look on your Steam account by going to your library. Or if you’re a console gamer, check out the number of downloads, discs and cartridges you have. It’s quite the number I bet, as you are never quite settled on just one game. No, you want one of many games, but even with your extensive collection, you still have no idea what game to play. It is the curse of being a video gamer.

My Steam collection has over 200 games, which back in the 90s would have been a hugely laughable idea. Why would you have so many games, you silly individual; and yet the idea wasn’t that farfetched even then. So I implore you to explore your collection of titles, pick out something different and give it a go! You’re gonna enjoy it… and then you can get another game to replace it.


We’ve gone far and wide to bring you the most collectable collections a geek could have. Sure, we could have gone a step further and figured out the most collectable of all the Trading Card Games (but technically, that’d go to Pokemon). We could have figured out the most collectable of all plush toys (but technically, that’d go to the Pokemon Center). Hmm, I’m seeing a pattern – Our most collectable anything within all of geekdom is of course Pokemon, but now it’s up to you. We want to collect all of your clicks on our poll to help us decide what our votes are for next weeks’ Top 10 list.

When all is said and done, we like to wrap up everything that we’ve got in lots of bubble wrap and keep it all safely tucked away, ready to be brought out to show during dinner conversations. Just casually show off the fact you have so many of these collectables in your life, be proud of the oddities and trinkets you pick up. Whatever your collectable of choice is, geekdom is absolutely chock-a-block full of them… So let us know: What’s your personal favourite collectable item, be it physical, digital, fictional or real. As always, let us know how we did in our Top 10 this week and tell us: Do you agree Pokemon deserved the top slot? Comments go below, or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.


Top 10 – Super Tiny Characters

GeekOut Top 10s

It doesn’t matter if you’re ten sizes too small, when your heart is ten sizes too big. Good lord, that’ll give you chest problems. Yes, heroes come in all shapes and sizes and we’re here to celebrate those who reached optimal size. Some of you may call them small, others may call them super tiny, whatever you call them, we’re here to look past all the boring small characters and find the Top 10 Super Tiny Characters. Please, watch where you’re stepping for this one… (more…)


Top 10 Weaponised Toys

GeekOut Top 10s

What was once a symbol of childish innocence and the joyous revelries of youth so easily turned into an engine of death. Perhaps by design, by mistake, by technology or by mysticism, there’s nothing quite so creepy as a toy turned deadly. Despite their cuddly and fun exterior, you wouldn’t want your kids playing with these…

Or would you?

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Top 10 – Running Gags

GeekOut Top 10s

Nothing screams in-crowd quite like a running joke. One person does or says something stupid and never gets to live it down, a weird moment of inspiration catches fire and spreads through the gang, or some reoccurring verbal tic becomes a catchphrase. Comedians know this, so do game designers, writers and artists of all types. A good gag can be brought back time and time again, recycled and replayed and somehow it only gets funnier.

Join us as we revisit some of the best recurring gags in geek culture. Ten of them to be exact. And some honourable mentions.

What can I say? We have a pattern.


Top 10

10) M’aiq the Liar – The Elder Scrolls Franchise

M’aiq has been in so many of the Elder Scrolls games now, that he’s a bit of a running joke. But more than that, he’s actually full of rather interesting lines of dialogue, depending on how you interpret his meanings. He runs seemingly aimlessly, from place to place, just sharing his stories, which is hard to believe. He’s not exactly renowned for telling the truth, hence his title.

Only just clawing his way onto our list, M’aiq is definitely an in-joke for Elder Scrolls fans. Well, if not M’aiq himself, his great, great grandson, who is also called M’aiq. This Khajiit knows more than just a few lines of dialogue and usually runs around at quick speed. He’s worth catching up to for a quick chat, so if you find him roaming around Skyrim or even any of the other TES games, stop for a chat!

9) Troy and Abed in the Morning – Community

Unlikely friends in the Greendale Community College study group, sports jock and cool kid Troy Barnes and awkwardly nerdy and fourth wall breaking Abed Nadir bond over a mutual immaturity, creativity, and generally childlike view of the world. Through the various misadventures of their time at college with the others in the group they turn the world upside down, warp genres and create entire worlds. But in their downtime they host a show, Troy and Abed in the Morning.

The catchy jingle, enthusiastic “guests” and the delightful hosts of Troy and Abed in the Morning make it a cheery and oddly grounded highlight of Community’s otherwise deeply bizarre and twisted world. The fact that the boys are making the whole thing up and there are no cameras, or that the guests often have no idea what’s going on, has absolutely no bearing on whether or not they’re enjoying themselves.

8) “Reticulating splines” & Llama fascination – The Sims and SimCity

Everyone who knows the original Maxis brand of Sims titles, extending out to SimCity, will be fondly remember the strange loading words of “Reticulating Splines”. Many of us to this very day are uncertain of what exactly that means, or even if it was just some crazy in-joke, starting from SimCity 2000. In actuality, it was literally made to be a nonsensical phrase intended to just make the Maxis guys laugh. Besides: It sounds cool.

Of course, The Sims is well known for one animal. No, not the pink flamingo! I can only be talking about the Llama, a majestic creature who can be used in everyday conversation. With an insult option for calling someone’s mother a Llama, there’s plenty of different options for how to use the Llama. These include dressing up as one to be a mascot for a team by the same name, bleating like a Llama being an illegal form of interrogation, rejecting a date by saying you need to wash your Llama. Yeah, Maxis are a strange bunch.

7) Horse Mask – Tomska

Creator of the ASDF animation shorts, Thomas “Tomska” Ridgewell is a favourite online comedian of mine. While ASDF may be his most famous series, his life action skits are as good if not better, and his recent fascination with his horse mask has added another rather disturbing layer of comedy. Meet Mrs Johnson.

Appearing in multiple, completely unrelated videos, Mrs Johnson basically a man in a dress and a horse mask who appears long enough to spout a catchphrase “I LOVE IT”. It shouldn’t be funny, but I love the surrealism of Johnson’s appearance at any moment, and it takes one hell of a dark twist when she gets her own skit entitled “Horse”. Sounds like there’s more backstory than what has been hinted at so far. Or Tomska’s just making crap up as he goes along.

6) Short Jokes – Fullmetal Alchemist

“Who you callin’ so puny he could be squished by a bug?!” – Edward Elric.

The Fullmetal Alchemist himself appears to have a running gag, well it was sooo hard to see this one coming. That’s because he is really short and due to that, various characters will allude to this. But he doesn’t like to be reminded of his physical limitations, so he will get pretty angry at anyone who dares insinuate he’s a tiny little man. After all, it’s no different to calling him a child, which he resents. He’s not.

Now, it doesn’t matter how you say it, he really doesn’t want to hear it. He won’t even accept it if you say you didn’t mean it in that way. He’s been known to psyche himself out as well, as he once crawled through some vents, stating how glad he was that he was small enough to fit in the vent, before pausing and screaming out “Aah! I just called myself a tiny little runt!” Oh Edward, we hope you never grow up.

5) Kenny Dies – South Park

Kudos to Parker and Stone for keeping a joke that should have worn out years ago fresh enough that we don’t hate them for dragging it out. This is a joke that has transformed, been cast aside and brought back, observed from every angle and yet… never dies.

The joke originates with a former classmate who was never present and was therefore presumed dead on a daily basis. In early seasons Kenny was killed off every episode only to respawn the very next week. This culminated in an entire season of the gang grieving his death until he spontaneously returned with no fanfare in the last episode. And now Kenny uses his powers for good.

Kenny’s immortal curse now has an overly elaborate backstory wrapped in eldritch mysteries, and looks set to take centre stage in the upcoming game The Fractured But Whole.

4) Wirt’s Leg – Blizzard

Wurt is a running joke in Blizzard’s Diablo franchise, but has gone further than just the Lord of Terror’s titles. He started off as a man in the original Diablo, who basically had his leg tore off by the big bad evils in the game. Then in the second and third games, you could get Wirt’s Leg as an item. In World of Warcraft, you could get Wirt’s Third Leg and in Diablo III you could also get Wirt’s Other Leg. Oo err.

Wirt has had many different legs, which have appeared over at least 5 different games, from Diablo I, II and III, World of Warcraft, Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. He was also a test item in the Blizzard MOBA Heroes of the Storm. Now, don’t forget, the most important thing about Wirt’s leg is the ability to create portals to incredibly secret cow levels. They’re so secret that everyone knows about them… Because Wirt’s Leg combined with a tome of town scroll totally makes a portal.

3) Phrasing! – Archer

I think we’re all a little tired of “That’s what she said”, this isn’t the 90’s any more and frankly I think we can all agree She has a dirty mouth but doesn’t have a lot to say otherwise.

Now where do you even begin with all of the jokes in Archer? Between the creative insults, the worst passwords ever, the voicemail pranks, and LAANNAAAA there’s so much to choose from. But phrasing rather escaped the show and slipped out into the real world. It’s quick, effective, and points out an innuendo far faster than She ever could, and it spread so fast that the show not only stopped using it, but made a joke out of no longer using it.

The in-jokes of Archer spring up so naturally and organically that it makes the cast feel more real, and less written. It feels like these people are living and working together rather than being thrown together in a comedic situation. And now that series 8 has begun I have to ask…

Seriously, are we not doing phrasing any more?

2) Bart Simpson Writing on the Chalkboard – The Simpsons

Bart Simpson has started up every episode of The Simpsons with a different bit of ‘detention writing’ to put up on the chalkboard of his classroom. Sometimes, these lines he has to write are just purely silly, such as not putting gum under his desk, but other times, it’ll be reference to a real life event or celebrity. He has, in the past, mentioned presidents along with big name celebrities (although they rarely specify the full name of the celebrity).

It seamlessly blends the real with the typical cartoony values that Springfield has become customary of. We don’t watch an episode of The Simpsons without thinking of those ridiculous Simpson openings, either. Bart makes up one of the two major parts that changes episode by episode, also meaning that he’s been doing this since the late 80s. Now, in 2017, we’re going to finally see the writing on the wall for Bart and his family, as it’s officially coming to an end.

This is probably the longest running gag on this list, so if you’d like to see some of these amazing jokes for yourself, check them out at Bartsblackboard.com.

1) Stan Lee – Every Marvel Comic Universe Film

When a returning cameo is so good you have people on the edge of their seats in the cinema waiting for it you know you’re onto a winning formula. The face of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee keeps showing that face in as many films based on his properties as he possibly can, and he’s escalated from a quick and unsubtle look at the camera to being the centrepiece for some of the MCU’s funniest moments. We’ve seen it all from a brief appearance as Hugh Hefner to a librarian obliviously sorting through returns while Spidey and Lizard tear each other to shreds behind him.

The prevailing theory is that Stan is actually playing a recurring role rather than just popping up as a friendly face, Uatu the Watcher, an ancient being tasked with witnessing the most important events in the universe. The kind of power that would give him might explain how his presence spans the cinematic, television and animated aspects of the Marvel property, as well as popping up across the Galaxy, meaning he may well play some kind of important role in the upcoming Infinity Wars.

Throughout 2016, fans waited on tenterhooks as the grim spectre of death stalked one beloved celebrity after another, wondering with each cameo if it could be his last. Of course if he doesn’t turn out to be an actual immortal, then he’ll always live on through his works.


Honourable Mentions

While many jokes will outlive their series and outreach their audience, there are a few that will remain as a calling card for those niche little groups and die-hard fans. Some just fizzle. But let us not forget them, but let us also not list every single one of them here, we’ve got a word count to keep to and nowhere near the man power to list them all. Here’s some honourable mentions.

Ghost Nappa/Nappa Haunting – DragonBall Z Abridged

We’ve mentioned it before and we’ll mention it again – We love abridged series, so much so that today at the GeekOut Bristol Meetup (8th April 2017), we’re hosting an abridging challenge with some great top prizes. Now that we’ve shamelessly plugged this, let’s continue with this entry.

Ghost Nappa is a character that was dreamed up from the pure stupidity that is Nappa. In the actual series of DragonBall Z, he was quite an imposing character, with a lot of seriously deadly skills (at least early in the show). After Vegeta ruthlessly despatches him, Vegeta cements himself as the real bad guy here. However, on DragonBall Z abridged, it seems like Nappa’s personality has an everlasting effect.

Out pops Ghost Nappa, complete with a theme song and all! He’s really damn annoying and he haunts Vegeta occasionally on the Namekian saga. Even in death, it seems like Vegeta can’t get rid of this once proud, but rather unintelligible Saiyan warrior.

Chinese Swearing – Firefly

How do you get around censorship when you really want to swear liberally? Well, a host of sci-fi series would suggest making up your own swearwords that don’t appear on any list, but Joss Whedon’s verse had a rather cunning addition to its backstory that allowed for as much cussing and grotesquely creative insults as you could want, all able to be shown to an American audience during dinner, because it’s all in Chinese.

So it may not be hilarious, but it’s a running bit that adds flavour to an awesome world and deepens its history. When Mal launches into a long string of unintelligible syllables we all know what’s going on, and can’t help but imagine that somewhere there’s native speakers in the audience either covering the ears of the children in the room, or wincing at Nathan Fillion’s wooden and badly pronounced delivery.


 

Some jokes outstay their welcome, get old, and get stale. And yet somehow you guys never seem to tire of our Top 10’s. That’s fine, we love making them, probably more than you guys enjoy reading them. And just like every week you get to pick which Top 10 we discuss next week.

What jokes tickle your funny bone no matter how many times you hear them? What are your favourite running gags? Tell us in the comments or Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.

Hey, you there, I see you like our Top 10’s! That’s great, but we need your help now. We are thinking of writing up our Top 10’s as an eBook. Interested? Let us know what you would like to see in our Top 10 eBook!


Top 10 Words & Phrases

GeekOut Top 10s

Words and phrases – They’re powerful aren’t they? From a simple please, to a rallying war cry, words mean a lot to people, whether you want to admit it or not. But some words and phrases linger with us, some stick through the fandoms and get mixed into the real world. Although you can never beat the original context, there’s so many words and phrases we use thanks to our favourite fandoms, that today we’re going to celebrate our Top 10 of them.

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Top 10 Space Battles

GeekOut Top 10s

Space… the final frontier, and like any untamed wilderness there are always struggles and conflicts for the resources and strategic advantages they might offer. While the physics, tactics, and possibilities offered by all out space-combat might go under utilised and appreciated in modern media, there’s one thing we can do in film, TV, and games, and that’s make it look epic!

Though the loss of life may be tremendous, and the horrors of war are made even more heartbreaking when the fallen are cast adrift in the endless dark… but damn it looks pretty! Here’s the Top 10 Space Battles.

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