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Top 10

Top 10 Family Feuds

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Blood is thicker than water, but to be honest there’s no circumstance in which being thicker is better… except in sandwiches, and we all know that blood doesn’t keep us from conflict. In fact fighting in a family is often more brutal than a standard grudge match, there’s always history, and the feelings get hurt long before the bruises show.

So far as storytelling goes there’s rarely more bitter rivals, or more hated nemeses than a parent or sibling. Join us as we take a look at games, films, television, literature and more to find the Top 10 Family Feuds.


Top 10 Platformers

Jump, jump for victory! Run to the right until you run out of right to run into! The platformer is a format so versatile that it has been changed and revolutionised so often that it’s no longer a genre to itself, it’s a style that has titles as wonderfully varied as gaming itself. It was there from the beginning, and is awash with incredible examples, how can we ever select only 10?

Or… 12… Because of the honourable mentions…

Anyway, we got together once more with Kevin from The Mental Attic to try and trim down the vast number of platform titles to a select few that we will inevitably have to revisit at some point. Here’s our Top 10 platformers.

Top 10

10) Portal 2

Everyone loves Portal/Portal 2, but if you’ve not played either of these games yet, then I’d strongly urge you to go play it. Right now. Anyway, keep reading before you go do that. Portal is a strong entry for our list, however most people will remember this as a puzzle game. The joy of the game was the strong use of the engine it had to work with.

Portal 2 is a game full of surprises which many of us found truly endearing; from learning how the portals would be affected by gravity, velocity and other important factors of physics. It was entertaining to try and traverse through a map via means of your portal gun, going from platform to platform through innovative means. Granted, this game is mostly known for being a puzzle game, but the platforming elements were totally unique to the original at its time. Portal 2 took what Portal did and refined it.

9) I Wanna Be The Guy


This game will make you angry, but it’s completely unapologetic about that. It’s an older freeware title where you play as the guy and you, you know, wanna be the guy. Huh, that makes this sound like a very easy game indeed – But easy it is not. You control the guy, with his adorable teeny tiny cape and you have to get through some of the most challenging platforming levels possible. Now, if only the levels remained as they appeared… honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the floors gave out on me in this game, because that does happen.

For context, this is a trial and error game. It’s made to get you angry, as typical platforming conventions are broken. Your trust is shattered, as you try to get past an apple tree, that sometimes decides that fruit falls up instead of down. You must endure gruelling boss fights and you only get a tiny pea shooter as your means of defence. It’s not easy, but it doesn’t apologise for its misgivings. In a similar vein to I Wanna Be The Guy, there is also the infamously hard Kaizo Mario. Go watch some videos on it!

8) Super Meat Boy

What hope has a little lump of bloodied meat have against a world of blades and butchery laid in place for him by the dastardly Dr. Fetus? Only the determination and spirit to find the love of his life, the voluptuous Bandage Girl, and he’s going to paint the town red until he gets her back.

Known for its punishing difficulty, awesome soundtrack, epic cast of characters (including a whole bunch of cameos from other games) and the hilarious action replays featuring all the times you died simultaneously, there was a time when Super Meat Boy was the platformer to beat, but with all the blood and guts, sometimes it was funnier to lose.

7) Ori and the Blind Forest

Heavily inspired by Metroidvania like titles, this is a 2D Platformer where you control a little guardian spirit called Ori, who is fighting off enemies in an attempt to restore the Blind Forest. They fell from a tree as a newborn and then was looked after by something called Naru. Soon, a catastrophic event occurs, which causes the forest to be attacked and Naru subsequently dies. Left alone, Ori collapses by the Spirit Tree and meets Sein, who acts as a guide.

Ori and the Blind Forest is often brought up as one of those modern examples of a modern platformer, which brings together a strong, story-driven narrative, along with solid and even somewhat tricky platforming. It’s one of those games that will definitely be mentioned throughout the years as one of those beautiful games that you should play; but it’s sadly not as well known as it genuinely ought to be.

6) Little Big Planet

Here’s a game we do not talk about often enough. The adorable worlds of the Sackboy and his craft-material friends is amazing, combining the engaging and action filled gameplay of a platformer and the joy and delight of a child with a toybox. It’s hard not to feel like a kid again as you charge your ragdoll like champion dressed in his finest clown wig and raincoat through perilous obstacles of felt and cardboard.

Puzzles are clever, levels are interesting and varied, the level designer is simple and entertaining (if you never made a rocket-wheel and played “last guy holding on wins” I recommend it) and the whole thing is narrated by the soft and jovial tones of Stephen Fry. It’s hard not to be captured by Little Big Planet and join in its adventures heart and soul.

5) Sonic 2

Everybody loves Sonic the Hedgehog, well – We all at least absolutely adored Sonic back in his SEGA Megadrive days. I remember fondly getting up on a Saturday morning, turning the console on and putting in my Sonic cartridge. Of course, it didn’t work, so I then took it back out, blew in the cartridge, put it back in and boom – it worked, because you know, it’s kind of voodoo that you’re taught as a kid getting into gaming? Nevertheless, Sonic was a game people could go back to easily.

Featuring the titular Sonic the Hedgehog, in Sonic 2, you once again fight off hordes of Doctor Robotnik’s robotic army. This was the introduction to gaming’s (arguably) most iconic secondary character, Tails. In this game, you are able to play a two-player game, allowing you to play together. Though, amusingly, because of how fast Sonic is, you can completely leave your player 2 behind – and Tails will just randomly catch up. It’s almost as if Tails is invincible, honestly..! But, working together made this game a whole lot more fun. Well worth playing, even today.

4) Shovel Knight

Steel thy shovel, it’s only the blue spade-wielder.

Shovel Knight is a fantastic modern take on platformers – A title that we feel may be a massive influence for games in the future. As it stands, it’s still a bit too new to say, but we love all of the amazing elements it’s brought to the table. Modernising a genre as old as platformers isn’t an easy task, but Shovel Knight is the undisputed champion of this. Huge fans of it – Now we wait for King Knights DLC. The fact that all the DLC is free is honestly an amazing extra too.

Give this one a few more years; this will be a staple influencer for future platformers. You can quote me on that one!

3) Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped

3D Platforming perfection and arguably the easiest of the three original Crash Bandicoot games, Warped took the success of the previous Crash titles and ramped it up. Crash now has a double jump, the slide, a dash, a super spin and a damn Wumpa Bazooka. With his sister Coco and his frie and guide, Aku Aku, Crash looks better, plays tighter and is all in all one of the strongest platforming games to have been released on the PlayStation. Accessible to kids, hard enough for adults.

It helps that recently, Crash Bandicoot was revived with Crash Bandicoot N-Sane Trilogy, allowing you to replay all three classic titles. In Warped, Crash and his sister Coco, along with their mentor/friend Aku Aku, are relaxing on the beach, when a great evil known as Uka Uka is released following the collapse of Cortex in the last game. Now that Cortex has a powerful voodoo mask of his own on his side, he sets up a time zone to collect the crystals.

2) Super Castlevania IV vs Super Metroid

Everybody knows of the term Metroidvania, which is exactly why we’ve pitted these two behemoths against one another.

On the one hand, we have the whip cracking, vampire slaying Belmont, who looks awesome in this extra special version of Castlevania. This is arguably the best Castlevania too, making a great case for the platforming genre as a whole, but also giving us some of the best platforming too. A lot of the elements were simple enough – jump in time to a swinging pendulum, go up and down stairs, crack your whip on something before you land – The things we take for granted these days. Plus, the music was stunning.

Then we have Super Metroid, a game where we get to play as one of the best ladies in all of video games in Samus. Super Metroid was the first to release a map, which you fill out as you go around. In this game, you get to shoot your gun at the opponents, which really increases the amount of potential in platforming. From trickier platform jumps, to harder bosses, Super Metroid is an exciting game. Plus, some of Nintendo’s most iconic villains come from this franchise. But it’s over to you, is it the Metroid or the Vania of Metroidvania that really makes that whole genre?

1) Super Mario Bros.

The classic, the original, the great Super Mario Bros. is the only game we could have put at number one, but please listen to our reasoning. It’s not the best platformer ever released. It’s not the hardest game released. It’s not a game that will make you go wow, look at how groundbreaking it is, but for its time, it actually was a revelation. You see, Platformer games are well known for their timing, their precision and their very simple mechanics, allowing anyone to pick them up and give them a go.

It’s precisely this simplicity, combined with the ridiculous difficulty of the later levels, that makes Super Mario Bros. so famous… However, more to the point – Without Super Mario Bros., we’d likely never have had some of the great platformers of today. It’s a major influence, of which can be felt in other titles on this list, from Mekazoo through to even our Super Metroidvania section in this list. The influence of Super Mario Bros. is simply impossible to ignore, which is why we feel it deserves the absolute top spot on this week’s list.

Honourable mentions

Bonus level!

Of course we’re not done, we’ll never be done with this list. Do you know how many we discussed, axed, forgot and remembered the day after? Here are the happy few we simply couldn’t completely do away with, our honourable mentions.


A very different take on the side-scrolling 2D format, Terraria took Minecraft and flattened it. Far from reducing the complexity, Terraria amped it up dramatically, crafting in two (and a bit) dimensions with a vast array of extra materials, options, and possibilities of things that can be created. The game spans sci-fi and fantasy and hits most options in between, meaning you can craft or obtain everything from armour suits, swords and crossbows, to lightsabers, laser rifles and jetpacks.

There’s an end of sorts, in that there are big bad bosses to be beaten in each of the randomly generated worlds, but the game needn’t ever end there. You can keep on expanding your world, reaching further and further out until you’re good and goddamn ready to make a new one.

Tomba 2

Rocking the pink hair and all of the sass that a caveman can bring, Tomba 2 is an oft-forgotten platformer for the PlayStation/PSX. Managing to do better than its predecessor, Tomba managed to have some truly clever platforming gameplay with simple, yet skilled puzzling elements. It wasn’t a hugely successful franchise, but it was hugely memorable for the protagonist and the likable, but simple story.

You play as Tomba who fights against the evil pig people. Really, that’s literally the plot. You unlock different suits, go jumping around, jump on the evil pigs and then throw them, in such a vicious manner that it’d make Brock Lesnar quake in his boots. Seriously, how someone does that is beyond me – But this gets the Honourable Mention from me, as it’s a damn solid, fun, casual little platformer/puzzler. Worth picking up, if you can find it for yourself!

Raise the flag, release the rabbits, and upgrade everything before we advance to World 2! Better make it a speed run, the sequel comes out soon. In the meantime, we have plenty more Top 10s to discuss, and you have the power to choose the next one:

I won’t ask if we missed your favourite, because I guarantee you could rattle off your own Top 10 right now without trying. Watch! Here’s another five: Mark of the Ninja, Abe’s Oddysee, Limbo, Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project and Braid. Want more? How about Stick It To The Man… we haven’t even gone into the 3D yet!

Talk to us in the comments or on Facebook, Twitter and Reddit. Give us some examples, and there’ll be a new Top 10 some time in the future.

Top 10 Awkward Armours

GeekOut Top 10s

Battlelines are drawn, it’s time to get suited into my gear built for war. On goes these boots, which are ten sizes too large; then on goes my helmet, which is too thick to see out of. It doesn’t matter how big and bulky my armour is though, for you see this is my armour which I wear proudly to combat. I don’t know what I can barely move my arms around in this kit, all that matters is that it’s me and my iron suit out there, wreaking havoc!

Of course, that’s all well said and done, but media really is filled with the most awkward armour known. From ladies armour which barely counts as armour, through to oversized suits which you can barely see out of, all that matters is that the armour must be awkward, either by size, weight or strange designs. Join us this week for another Top 10, where we inspect this armoury as critically as we can.

Before we start, we’d like to say a special thanks to Kevin Kutlesa from The Mental Attic, for his contributions to this week’s Top 10.

Top 10

10) Nautilus – League of Legends

Originally, Nautilus was a pretty normal human who worked out on the seas as a sailor. He was on an expedition to explore the uncharted parts of the Guardian’s Sea. As he explored, he found an area of the water with some black unidentifiable goop, which he needed to investigate further. He put on a diver suit, then went to go into the waters to explore the waters – Only to be grabbed by some dark tendrils. The crew of his ship decided it would be safer for them to make sure he didn’t stay holding onto the ship, so they sailed off without him.

Pulled deep into the water, Nautilus slowly lost consciousness. When he awoken again, he was completely different – But he didn’t know this, as this diver suit was now bound to him. Keeping the horrors of the deep within his armour, the suit is a blessing and a curse. It’s not a great piece to fight wars in, but he had no friends or family, or even a life to return to, so he takes to the rift and gets fighting.

9) Entombing Armour – Goblins

An unofficial title for some of the most devastating armour in Goblins: Life Through Their Eyes. An item called The Shield of Wonder causes random magical effects each time it is struck, so you can imagine the chaos caused when Complains, the goblin currently wielding the shield dives straight onto a forest of upturned spears. In the fight, one of his attackers strikes the shield, only to watch his weapon dissolve and start covering him.

The resulting armour gets steadily bigger, better, cooler, grows spikes, rapidly growing from studded leather, to chain mail, scale, plate, then suddenly onwards to a juggernaut of shielding, growing ever bigger and heavier. It dawns on the victim that this is going too far, as his movement is restricted, he can’t move for the size of the suit, until eventually he vanishes inside a sarcophagus of metal plates, with nothing but a slight trickle of blood to clue you in to his fate.

8) Light Leather Armour of Nightmares (Light) – Lineage 2

Lineage 2 is perhaps a name you don’t remember. A very old MMO, and one that took skimpy armour to professional levels. But where other MMOs are content with giving the female characters tiny pieces of armour, Lineage 2 was all about equal opportunity when it came to dressing up (or down) the heroes characters play, focusing on showing as much skin as they could.

And that’s where this armour comes from, its purpose not being to protect its wearer but to show their impressive abs. I’ll admit, that’s an insane 6-pack there, but I doubt they’re strong enough to stop a sword.

I mean, maybe I’m crazy, but I thought the purpose of body armor was to protect the freaking body, not just show it off!

7) The Jake Suit – Adventure Time

Jake’s super stretchy powers and weirdly close bond with little brother Finn allows the young human hero to wear armour made of Jake. Seriously, he just climbs right on into his mouth and wears him, face poking out between the teeth, running around using Jakes incredible shape changing and durability to its full, two trained brothers working in unison, strengths combined into one unstoppable and super weird hero-ing machine.

Jake naturally takes all the pain and loses all control as Finn’s awesome will takes over the host fully, pushing Jake’s dogbrain out of the equation. It raises some awkward questions too, like what does Finn taste like? And whose idea was this in the first place? It gets even weirder when roles are reversed, and Jake tries to teach Finn to be more careful, letting his mutable form flow through Finn’s veins, wrap around his muscles and bones. No part of this situation is normal, but it’s effective if nothing else.

6) Rachel – Ninja Gaiden

You know those stories about women’s armour in games being not armour at all, but rather something to objectify women? Yeah, this might be one of those cases – Rachel is a hell of a character, who first made her debut in the Xbox Ninja Gaiden game, as one of two playable characters. She’s able to kick a lot of butt and she’s got a heck of a tragic backstory, which brings her likability right to the forefront of her character.

But a lot of people won’t be able to see past the fact that her armour is literally a fetish night out, as she wears very little. Let’s just say, if you ever wanted to know what she looked like without clothes on, you basically just had to look at her. It’s not practical as armour, it’s not a good look for someone claiming to be a Fiend Hunter… It’s just really awkward to look at. A lot of people may disagree, thinking it makes perfect sense, which in its own round about way, it might do – as she leaps all over the place with ease.

5) Darknut – LoZ Wind Waker

It’s gotta be tough being Ganon in The Wind Waker. Your powers are sealed in the lost kingdom of Hyrule, and the best knights at your disposal, the Darknuts, wear an armor where all its pieces and plates are bound to the same exact spot on their backs. It takes only a quick slash to that knot and the entire suit falls apart.

When all it takes is a swipe to turn your dark knights into medieval nudists, you know you need new personnel, Ganon.

4) Batnipples – Batman and Robin

Nipples were just the start of the problems for this batsuit. The Caped Crusader’s armour was never worse than under Schumacher’s direction, and you can get it all in full glory from the montage. Batbutt tight and plasticky, batcodpiece given an unnecessary closeup, the cloak which just looks like a bin liner, and the neck that completely removes what little acting Clooney had left in him after looking at the script.

It might even be the worst part of the film, and that’s saying something in the face of the ice puns, all of Poison Ivy, all of Bane, just… all of the film. Oh while we’re still talking batsuits, shall we discuss the silver trimmed suits for the grand finale? One that batgirl is also wearing that is absolutely not the same one that she put on in her own gratuitous montage! Even Freeze’s suit makes more sense, a little OTT on the neon perhaps but it’s on point for the character at least. And there are no Batnipples!

3) The Berserker Armour – Berserk

On first glance, the Berserker Armor is perfect for Berserk protagonist Guts. It numbs pain, helps him push his strength far beyond the “safe” limits of human bodies, the point where muscles begin to burn and burst, and even restores him from external and self-inflicted wounds.

But you know, there’s a reason its previous owner, the Skull Knight, sealed it away and it may be that it can send its wearer into murderous frenzy rages, where they can’t distinguish between friend or foe and just want to rip things apart. I may also slowly deteriorate the wearer’s mind, making it easier for this berserking effect to take hold.

2) Xanthous Armour – Dark Souls

If one ventures into the Painted World of Ariamis in Dark Souls to face the crossbreed Priscilla, one can go on to face Xanthous King, Jeremiah, a mysterious figure who appears to slay the player if the proper circumstances are met. I’ll admit, I have not played a Dark Souls game yet, but I adore the series for its design. Or at least I did.

It’s a giant mummified wooden spoon!

Ok, from the neck down, this light armour set is actually pretty cool, best Curse protection in the game, some great resistance values, although it’s listed as granting no Poise bonus. But really, is there any wonder when putting the hat on makes you look like you’re about to BAKE A CAKE HEAD FIRST? Oh, and in Dark Souls 3 it gets flattened out, so now instead of looking like a utensil, you instead look like the Pharaohs head chef. EMPHASIS ON HEAD!

Kudos to those who have cosplayed the Mighty Spoon of Xanthous, the Tick would be proud of all of you.

1) Alphonse Elric – Fullmetal Alchemist

Alphonse Elric and his older brother Edward lost their mother at an early age, leaving them alone and vulnerable. They were prodigies in the art of alchemy, showing off ability far beyond their ages. Although their mother died, they decided to research human transmutation, a forbidden skill in alchemy – As the principles of alchemy is deeply entrenched in the law of equivalent exchange. For whatever you get out, you must put in something of an equal value – and how can you put a value on a life?

After the transmutation circle goes horribly wrong, Alphonse loses his body and Edward loses his leg. Edward sacrifices his arm to make sure Alphonse can come back, however he isn’t able to save Al’s body – Only his soul. Using his blood, Edward binds Al’s soul to an old, clunky suit of armour. Whilst Al is grateful to be alive, being stuck in this cumbersome form is part of the centrepiece of the series. Between Ed wanting his arm and leg back, Al vows to get his body back as well. But, if we had to say a positive, it makes him look very cool and he can hide cats inside of him. As well as cats, he can hide people… But that doesn’t always go so well.

Honourable Mentions

Feeling uncomfortable? If you’re dressing for the job you want, clearly we’re out for a job in shifting from foot to foot and asking if it’s too hot, or when they can take this off, like a politician or pantomime horse. But the inept armourer isn’t resting his hammer just yet, there’s still a couple more rejects too bad for the rejects drawer of awkward armour, deserving of honourable mention.

Diamond Skin – Diablo 3

Okay, so nearly everything else on the list has actually been something physical, so we needed to throw in some more magical armours as well. We thought about what magical armour out there is all that impractical? Could we talk about a Mage’s Ice Block? We figured we had a better idea for World of Warcraft, so we didn’t put that in… So what could we pick? Funnily enough, we came to Diablo 3, a game notorious for characters needing a huge amount of toughness to get anywhere late game.

Diamond Skin is an ability that turns one’s skin into that of diamonds. This is a pretty fabulous looking ability, which is rather handy, as it doesn’t seem to hinder the user in any real way. However, whenever I look at it, I always think about how ridiculously blinding it must be walking around as literal diamonds. The above picture alone glows so much that I think I need to replace my retinas!

Arborweave (Druid Tier 12) – World of Warcraft

World of Warcraft raid tier sets range from the amazing to the ludicrous and often follow the theme of their raid, with Tier 12 tied to the Firelands and thus they all have some element of “burning” in their design, but only the druids have to wear still-burning pieces of wood.

Other classes have torches for shoulderguards or helmets, and that’s fine, it’s actually functional, but who in their right minds would wear an armor made of wood for one, not the best material for protection against evil, and second, having parts of it still be on fire. It’s almost as if the Druid rolled over a campfire.

Our battle is finally over, it’s time to rest. Let’s take off our helms and finally kick off these massive greaves, as it’s now a time for peace and quiet. So, whilst we spend the next twenty years taking our equipment off, why don’t you get involved with the voting process and decide what our next Top 10 is going to be?

Once again, we’d like to take a minute to say a massive thank you to Kevin for his contributions to this list – We probably couldn’t have done it without you! If you want to take part in helping us write these Top 10’s, let us know in the comments below. Meanwhile: What did you think of our list for this week? Was our selection of armour just awkward enough to make you think “How…? Why..?” Did we get the order right? As always, leave all your thoughts below, or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.

Top 10 Royal Characters

GeekOut Top 10s

Even amongst monarchy there is a hierarchy; some kings are more kingly than others, entire reality shows are dedicated to picking the best queen, and with so many Disney princesses how are you to choose? Be they leaders of government, warrior monarchs, whether they reign over nations, planets or worlds, all were considered.


Top 10 – Finishing Moves

GeekOut Top 10s

The fight is fought and won, there is no more glory to be had here, so why are you lingering? Why it’s to finish the job in style of course; because no epic fight is finished with one guy just bleeding from his wounds, or simply limping away to feel sorry for himself. You have to let them know who’s won, you have to do it in style!


Top 10 Grass-Type Pokemon

Last week we planted the seeds of an idea in your mind, an idea that you’d like to see a brand new Pokemon based Top 10. Your decision has been logged, and we’ve gotten down and dirty trying to root out the best examples of grass type pokemon, based on style, popularity, and combat effectiveness. We aren’t going to judge for all of these points at the same time; We estimated how much we thought each of these Pokemon fit in one or more of the criteria and went from there.

Let us run down our prize turnips, our growers and climbers, our Top 10 Grass Type Pokemon.


Top 10 Flamboyantly Ominous Characters

GeekOut Top 10s

Last week, our vote was a tie. Usually what we do in these situations, is roll a die for odds/evens and whoever calls it gets the one they choose. This time, Timlah said to Joel: “I think we can do this”. Lo and behold, we managed it. We combined the tied votes to create a brand new Top 10 that you all voted for. Perhaps the will of the people wasn’t to do this, but the votes sent us this way.

Flamboyant characters can be hard to judge: they’re often more than just a bit player in their franchise. Often they’re scary, in fact, they’re usually a little bit ominous. They stand out in a realm of “the norm”, they dress fancy, they talk differently and their minds are wired in a very unique way. They’re dangerous but fabulous, they’re ominous, they’re flamboyant… they’re in our Top 10 Flamboyantly Ominous Characters list!


Top 10 – Characters Who Shouldn’t Have Bothered

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Don’t you hate it when you’re all hyped up for a fight; only to find out that you’re so severely outclassed, that you really shouldn’t have actually mustered up the energy to make your way there? Or when you’re surrounded by people who are constantly just… better than you? This is when you’re so seriously out of your league, that you’re basically walking to your death, or your own obscurity. Welcome back to our Top 10 readers, where this week we look at our Top 10 characters who shouldn’t have bothered.

Top 10

10) Batman – The Lego Movie

Let’s get this kicked off with an unpopular choice, we’ll make it up to you though. While his performance more than earned a spinoff feature length that was freakin awesome I find myself asking the question… in the first Lego Movie, what did Batman actually do? He picked up Emmet and Wyldstyle during their escape from Badcop, and after that… well that’s it.

And to be honest, there were many ways they could have escaped that jam without having to bring Batman into play. Would the film have been as funny? No, but the poor guy saves the hero who eventually takes his girlfriend. Not only did he basically show up to do not an awful lot, it also screws him over quite badly. Best he got out of it was a spinoff, in which he was sad and lonely but did manage to save the day.

9) Jar Jar Binks – Star Wars

Told you we’d make it up to you. The simple fact is that Jar Jar holds a fundamentally important role in the Star Wars universe, and there’s a great deal of good he did as the Otoh Gungan representative of Naboo in the senate, the greatest of which being providing providing emergency powers to Senator Palpatine… what a good idea that proved to be.

Shall we build on the fact that this illustrious career was built on the back of being banished by Boss Nass for being a klutz? And spawning one of the most laughable fan theories in fan theory history. For all he manages to accomplish as a senator he undoes it a thousand times over in and out of universe, by also being a tremendous nail in the coffin of the prequel trilogy. Even as a general he manages to bumble his way into some tremendous acts of heroism, an embarrassment that somehow made it to the upper echelons of galactic government.

8) Butters – South Park

We considered Kenny, but in between his constant demises he accomplishes a great deal. Butters on the other hand spends most of his existence as little more than a patsy to Cartman’s diabolical scheming, and on the off chance Butters tries to get in some scheming of his own under the guise of Professor Chaos, he’s almost always outdone by his own incompetence, lack of imagination, or fear of what his parents might do to him.

His greatest accomplishment to date has to be the war in Imaginationland, resurrecting imaginary heroes to fight for goodness and light, but the reality of that entire incident is highly questionable, and was in fact the subject of a court case that didn’t even involve him. It’s a wonder he gets out of bed in the morning, but that sunny disposition is apparently indestructible. It needs to be.

7) Iago – Aladdin

Ultimately, when we looked at characters to add to this list, we needed to try to get an understanding of what the purpose of a character is. Now, this might sting a bit, as Iago is a cool enough character, within reason. The problem happens in a few ways, such as how Iago kinda does nothing of any real importance throughout the entire film, but he talks a lot.

The real failure however lies in what type of character Iago is. You might be happy to obviously point out that he’s a parrot and yes, you’re right there. That’s not his problem. He’s a sidekick, which is secondary to the much more lovable Abu. He’s also supposed to be comedic relief, but he’s once again second to the mighty Robin Williams as the Genie. If anything, Iago shows us how good the film was, because in any other Disney film, he may have stood a chance at standing out.

At least he’s a parrot.

6) Robert Paulson – Fight Club

His name was Robert Paulson…

Albeit Robert ‘Bob’ Paulson is cast by the fantastic Meat Loaf, which when you say that out loud sounds derogatory, considering the gimmick of Bob, he never manages to get off the ground in this film. Oh sure, it’s definitely a classic title, which I’d reckon everyone should watch at some point in their lives. However, Bob is a terribly tragic character that we first encountered in a support group for men with testicular cancer.

Bob was originally a ‘juicer’, or someone who takes steroids to make their body appear larger than is. In return, he gained his testicular cancer and had to have his testicals removed. He joined the Fight Club on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning that he never met the narrator. On his first Fight Club operation, where he was supposed to be part of a group who went in to destroy a piece of corporate art and trash the place. He took a gunshot to the head and that was the end of Robert Paulson.

5) Negative Man – Mother 3

Exactly what you expect from this disappointing encounter, he’s just really negative about everything. Except his damage, to which he poses no threat what so ever. He’s ultimately absolutely worthless and he hates his existence so much that he tells you just how worthless he is. A crying shame for the Spongebob wannabe, who could have amounted to so much more.

Heck, he’s not even a fight you have to do! He’s so upset and useless that he’s put himself away from the action, just so you don’t have to bother with him. It begs the question of why he even bothered going there? I mean he wants the protagonists to defeat him, yet he hides away. He’s a mess; a contradiction and forever a character who shouldn’t have bothered.

4) Theon Greyjoy – Game of Thrones

Oh Theon, poor unloved little Theon. After being taken in as a ward to the Stark family he endeavours to reach out to his father to aid the Starks in their own war. His father naturally refuses and demands instead that Theon go back and take the lands once owned by his adoptive family to prove his loyalty to house Greyjoy. To his credit he pulls it off, and then immediately loses the whole of the North of Westeros, his freedom, his identity, and his ~cough~ favourite toy. The rest of his life is spent as a nameless servant to the mad Boultons, and no one cares, probably not even his sister any more, she has other things on her plate.

It’s one thing in Game of Thrones to be hated, or even loved; your death will invoke a reaction from the crowd. Celebration, despair, shock, but when Theon dies will anyone say more than “Oh  hey, finally put him out of our misery”? Truth be told he might even live to see the end, after all he has nothing left to live for now.

3) Nicholas De-Mimsy Porpington – Harry Potter

Failing in life is one thing, bearing a constant reminder through the afterlife is rather another. After an unpleasant incident involving the teeth of a woman for whom Nicholas De-Mimsy Porpington had affections for, he was treated to execution by an apparent amateur. Forty-five swings of the axe left the remaining spectre with the nickname “Nearly Headless Nick”.

And afterlife is no picnic for the partially decapitated. Though he holds station in Gryffindor tower, Porpington’s haunt is only improved by his proximity to Harry Potter, earning him some reputation amongst the institution’s other ghostly inhabitants, but sadly not quite enough to earn him a place amongst the Headless Hunt. And how unlucky must one be to be turned to ghost-stone by a basilisk? All in all Nearly-Headless Nick doesn’t have much fortune, before or after death, and probably shouldn’t have bothered coming back.

2) Dan Hibiki – Street Fighter

Arrogant, overconfident and feeble is how the Street Fighter Wikia represents him. In fact, in every way that Dan exists, he’s something of a disappointment not only to his peers but really himself too. But in his mind, he believes he’s a man of many talents. He’s created his own martial art, he runs his own dojo and none of that matters – Because even his dojo is failing. Nevertheless, his arrogance keeps him coming back for more punishment.

Dan has one saving grace however and that’s his actual knowledge of martial arts in general. It might seem like a strange point to make, but due to his knowledge of fighting styles, he sometimes manages to save himself. He’s also a really good guy, so sometimes, just being good can save you from complete obscurity. But don’t worry – In canon he really is a big old loser and we kind of love him that way. He probably shouldn’t have bothered, but thanks a lot for trying, Dan.

1) Hercule – DragonBall Z

Mr. Satan, or Hercule as us Westerners know him, is our top spot for this list. Now, like many of the characters on this list, there’s a plethora of good that he’s accomplished, but nothing would overcome the insanely fast loss he had to Cell during the Cell Games saga. With one backhand, Hercule, the supposed hero of Earth, lost on television. But that didn’t stop him from watching that whole tournament go down. He was convinced that he truly was the strongest man on Earth until that point.

So yes, really, when we dreamed up this list, we knew Hercule had to have a mention. But considering he tried to fight the mighty Cell and, really, caused more problems than he did good, with the media’s attention, due to the overly braggadocious nature of the man – He had to make number one. I mean he helped during the Buu saga and began to realise he was a bit of a hinderance rather than a help, but he’s seriously so boastful, that he asks people to basically leap out of the ring so he can win a televised match. Now THAT is Sports Entertainment™!

Honourable Mentions

Some people just end up finishing last, because they just weren’t ready. Some people end up dying really fast, because that’s really all they’re good for. Nevermind the fact they could help people in the process, they are just not really prepared for what comes their way. Here’s some more examples, who just couldn’t even make this list. Gosh, they really shouldn’t have bothered…

James Ellsworth – WWE


Oh Jimmy Dream, how you fell to a goliath so quickly. You inspired so many people with your mantra of “Any man with two hands has a fighting chance” and yes, we loved the fact you even got your own merchandise in the WWE. But since then, you turned on the one man who was trying to look out for you and you’ve now fallen out of the main event scene, likely to never go back there again.

You can argue that actually, for a guy who just thought he had a fighting chance and nothing else, that he did good with his monstrous loss to Braun Strowman. Just because you stand up to someone big though, doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to be loved. In fact, ever since the day you turned on your former friend, you’ve been relegated to being someone’s manager. Sort of. It’s really more that he’s now just become a whipping boy – And that’s fine.

The First Death in Any Film

It can’t be easy going through life with everyone around you just rooting for you to die, but it has to happen eventually. I mean it’s still a horror film, odds are not in your favour, and while the old stereotype of “black dude dies first, pure and innocent virgin gets to live” has been buried under the patio long ago, someone’s going to get killed and we’ll get just long enough to really invest in your life before that guy or terrible monster sneaks up behind you and stabs you repeatedly with its knife face.

EXAMPLE: Fujiyoshi – Battle Royale

She’s the girl who stands up in class to question the teacher – and takes a knife to the head for her troubles. She dies before she gets to the combat island. Or at least before she gets onto the island, I guess.

Man, to think that a lot of these characters we either barely knew the name of, or we forgot they even existed in their film/game or otherwise says heaps about how much they should have bothered. They really were pushing it and now we’re looking past this rabble and onto next week’s article. Why not help us decide what article we write next week in the poll below?

We saw some good characters with poor casting, we saw useful characters mess up what makes them useful, in fact, we’ve seen it all! But that’s precisely the problem – We’ve been there, done that, got the tshirt and laughed as these characters crashed and burned hard. But what did you make of this week’s Top 10? Did we get the right characters for the list, or did we forget some really uninspired characters? Let us know in the comments below or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit!

Top 10 Mad Scientists

GeekOut Top 10s

Ahahaha! Ahahaha–!!!

… Ah. There really wasn’t much to laugh about, was there? Anyway, welcome back to our weekly Top 10, ladies and gentlemen, where we take a topic that you choose and we choose the best of the best in that category. Today’s subject is a little bit experimental, as we’re going to be looking at our Top 10 Mad Scientists and write up our thesis about their potentials for the top spot. We’ve taken a lot of candidates and we felt like we’d do something a bit different for this one. We’ve put a pinch of this and a dash of that together to give birth to a list which shows off the best of the best of these mad scientists. Creation is a powerful tool; so let’s see what these scientists can bring to life!

Top 10

10) Mayuri Kurotsuchi – Bleach

Captain of the 12th Division of the Soul Society’s militarised wing of Shinigami, dedicated to hunting the hollow and damned souls who still stalk the living world, and who’s vast counterparts dwell in their own little demi-plane and covetously eye the realm of mortals. The devastating powers of the greater Hollows like the Menos Grande and the Espada require the use of increasingly terrible weapons to use against them. Enter the head of the science division, who is a brilliant master of biology and chemistry, implementing toxins and biological engineering to create defences and countermeasures of awesome potency.

But he is waaaay off his rocker. He has no regard for life, evaluating everyone by their use as a test subject, including his second in command and hand-made “daughter” Nemu. Even his own mortal shell is just a plaything for his twisted brain, keeping his organs and inner workings in jars… somewhere, having greatly improved on his own design. When faced with an Espada with the power to destroy organs with only a “voodoo” doll, he feigns his own death by vomiting blood and folding at hideous angles, before standing, laughing it off, and straight up butchering the creature with barely a thought to the others who were suffering around him.

9) Doctor Evil – Austin Powers

Frickin’ sharks with laser beams attached to their heads!

Okay, so let me start by explaining that Doctor Evil is actually not always the one who creates; but he’s often the brains behind the operations. Sure he’s not exactly the smartest brain behind the operations, that probably belongs to his son, but he’s definitely amongst the most dangerous minds around. In fact, Doctor Evil probably is one of the least intelligent geniuses to have ever existed in all media.

You see, he’s rich as all heck (Somehow); He has legions of minions (Somehow); He has friends (Somehow) and (Somehow) he manages to do some pretty crazy things, such as intimidate the president of the United States of America, by playing footage from Independence Day. He’s not the brightest, but so long as he has access to so many people to build his crazy ideas, he’s going to keep on doing evil things. Now if only he would stop being interrupted by Austin Powers – Time to steal his mojo!

8) Doctor Albert Wily – Mega Man

Probably the epitome of a cranky old man, Dr. Wily is one crazy, creative scientist who managed to turn something good into something terrible. You see, Wily wasn’t always a cranky old man; instead he was once a colleague of the esteemed Dr. Light, a scientist who created robots for the betterment of mankind. Unfortunately, Wily being under his wing meant that Wily knew how those robots worked and was able to reprogram them into something much more sinister and evil. I guess, when your surname is ‘Wily’ you know you’re going to be trouble.

He’s actually had some degree of success, come to think of it. You see in the original game, he was actually taking over the world with the robots he stole. In the second game, he created his own robots to try and take over the world. In the third, he pretended to have changed his ways, whilst still manipulating robots. In the fourth game he captured an esteemed scientist’s daughter – and so on and so forth. If there’s nothing else to say about him, Wily somehow always manages to bounce back after being defeated by Rockman/Mega Man.

7) Algernop Krieger – Archer

Former Nazi scientist and master of cybernetic enhancement, dangerous biochemistry, and highly illegal sciences, Algernop Krieger works for the worst intelligence agency in the world, formerly known as ISIS (but undergoing several facelifts due to unfortunate connections with a present day organisation, you get the idea). Krieger has a catalogue of horrifying creations to his name, a pig/human hybrid, a goat/human hybrid, a crazy killer cyborg with multiple personalities, and some of the most messed up hallucinogens.

There are many questions best not asked about Krieger, many of which he has asked “Is it technically murder if they’re my clones?” and what happens to the hobos who he invites in for free meals, and what exactly happened to Len Trexler. Despite having never technically earned a qualification, Krieger is alarmingly intelligent, wildly unhinged, and a possible clone of Hitler himself. Probably better off under Malory Archer’s control than back in Brazil though.

6) Frank-N-Furter – Rocky Horror Picture Show

Doctor Frank-N-Furter, from transexual Transylvania, is an absolute genius madman who lives in a massive manor far away from most city life. In fact, when newly engaged couple Janet and Brad have a flat tyre, they notice the manor is the only place that they can get to. Thinking they could manage calling someone to come and replace their tyre, they’re invited in and are made to enjoy the customs of Doctor Frank-N-Furter himself, who takes extra special interest in the pair of them.

Frank-N-Furter claims to have found the secret of life itself; claiming that he was able to make a living being. He wasn’t lying, as he managed to make Rocky come to life; His vision of a perfect man. Say what you want about Rocky Horror Picture Show, but Frank-N-Furter is a true classic staple of Sci-Fi goodness. Of course, he is quite a parody of a certain “Ugly monster” which we’ll be talking about later in this Top 10, but my goodness, if I could look as good as Frank-N-Furter whilst making life, I know I would!

5) Professor Farnsworth – Futurama

Mad may not quite cover Hubert J. Farnsworth, the man who treats doomsday machines as family and family as layabout parasites who sit on his couch and shirk their jobs… because they are. Farnsworth has done it all, time machines, intelligent monkeys, killer robots – during his days contracting at MomCorps – and every other manner of reality warping and brain melting device. His masterpiece ship pushes the universe around it, all while remaining absolutely stationary, which raises the question “What if you have two?”

Farnsworth is a god amongst machines in a very real sense, and has created life on numerous occasions. The man’s senility coupled with his tendency to tinker with the fabric of reality makes for a rather daunting mix, and may indeed have been forced to destroy and recreate the universe or perform some similarly horrifying task to cover up some even more terrible blunder! And he may do it again without a second thought… but he is  already in his pyjamas.

So that’s good news I suppose.

4) Otto Octavius – Spider-Man

A megalomaniac who’s body has irreversibly fused with the mechanical tentacles that he uses to manipulate radioactive and dangerous substances, Doctor Octopus is possessed of a determination to achieve great scientific achievements and damn the consequences or who is harmed or what master is served along the way. The classic Spider-Man nemesis was superbly brought to life by Alfred Molina with a subtly different adaption, but can we please talk about the whole mind-swapping thing that happened in the comics?

Octavius managed to implant Peter Parker’s mind into his own decaying corpse (long story) and take the place of Spider-Man. After being forced to understand what made Spidey a hero, the life he’d led, Otto decided, not only to take up the mantle of the Wall Crawler, but to be an even better version! Superior Spider-Man, complete with mechanical spider-limbs! Seriously for quite some time now the Spider-Man of the comics has been the brain of one of his biggest nemeses riding around in Parker’s body. Kinda weird, kinda cool, all mad science! This may be a few too many exclamation marks for a single paragraph, but damn Marvel, that’s some seriously crazy narrative.

3) Victor Frankenstein VS Henry Jekyll

How are you supposed to choose the best mad scientist from classic literature? We didn’t. We’ll make our cases for our favourites; you choose who’s just crazy enough for the number 3 slot.

Frankenstein’s Argument – Timlah

Doctor Victor Frankenstein is a scientist who studied chemical processes for a living, when he suddenly came across a way to effectively create life itself. From understanding how living beings decay, along with a morbid fascination for how to create life in an inanimate object, Victor set about making a humanoid. Now, presumably, Victor stole body pieces, or at least was donated them but this is never really fully described.

Victor creates Frankenstein itself (or Frankenstein’s Monster as it’s often referred to) and whilst an impressive feat, he is mortified with what he’s created. He wanted to make life; but he didn’t expect it to be so ugly a being. Fleeing his creature, Victor lives with the regret of making his monster, who went around murdering. They say you cannot kill what you did not create, but they rarely tell you that what you create may kill you.

Jekyll’s Argument – Joel

Henry Jekyll’s greatest achievement in life was proving that man is capable of tremendous goodness and terrible evil. In an effort to separate, control, and ultimately destroy the evil side of man he creates an alternate personality, a wholly different creature within his own mind made of his darkest urges. Edward Hyde is a monster by deed only (not the freakish mutant that pop culture seems to have conjured up by NOT READING THE BOOK), beating men to death, indulging every dark urge with a strength born of unbridled rage.

If we’re talking about the creators of classic monsters, Frankenstein may have had a mishap toying with the nature of life, but Jekyll found out how to unleash the monster that dwells within all of us. In the end of course, the sweet and loving side of himself that remained chose to make the ultimate sacrifice to spare everyone the wrath of Hyde. Maybe not quite so mad all told, but y’know, still pretty out there.

2) Rick Sanchez – Rick and Morty & Doc Brown – Back to the Future

It’d be negligent not to list these two side by side in the same entry, as Roiland and Harmon have never hidden the parody origins of Rick and Morty.

Emmet Brown may not be quite so unhinged as his caricature but his lunatic devotion to his craft makes him rather dangerous. Building a time machine out of an old Delorian and taking a hormonal teenager back in time with him was dangerous to begin with, but from there the two just seem to enjoy toying with reality! They spend the subsequent movies generating every paradox that geeks and nerds would deliberate for years to come, but that may not be the end of Doc Brown’s legacy.

Rick Sanchez began life as a drunken parody of Emmet, but has become something unknowably terrible. Wanted by every major government in the known multiverse, including one his many duplicates formed among themselves, Rick may no longer be from his own universe, in fact he may have changed his family for an exact copy repeatedly. He’s an embattled veteran of terrible wars, a convict of the most secure prison in existence, and has fought against the galactic government, the council of Ricks and the devil himself.

No doubt which is the madder scientist, but you can’t fairly separate the two.

1) Doctor Ivo Eggman/Robotnik – Sonic the Hedgehog

Doctor Ivo Eggman, or Robotnik depending on what you’re used to, is one evil, evil man with a glorious mustache. He’s usually seen flying around the place in a strange pod called The Egg Mobile; or the Egg-Pod… Or– Y’know, let’s not list all of the names right now. The point is, he flies around in this strange pod, has some very cool theme tunes dedicated to his flying around and he’s got a very freakish obsession with trying to kill off a blue hedgehog, as well as capturing woodlands creatures.

Sure, it doesn’t sound all that mad, but when you think about the sheer volume of things he’s created, it’s a wonder where he gets all of his funding from. However as long as he has his Egg Mobile, he’ll always somehow manage to get out of any certain death situations. He’ll escape back to his hideouts, which includes a freakishly large battleship called The Egg Carrier… And he’ll just get on with his next invention. Love him, hate him, regardless it’s undeniable that he might not be far from the truth when he calls himself the world’s greatest scientist. Depending on the game, show, comic or otherwise, he can be quite the complex moral character. Whatever side he’s on, he’s always creative, always persistent and always dangerous. He’s definitely the maddest scientist on this list.

Think of it like this; whilst all of the above scientists are thoroughly accomplished in their own rights, Robotnik has made robots, who create things that he dreams up. Robotnik then has created something that is able to aid him in creating more things for himself.

Honourable Mentions

This list was full of characters that we really didn’t want to forget about; so much so that we decided that for once, two slots on our honourable mentions just wasn’t enough. So here’s six honourable mentions that we even considered putting into our main Top 10 list itself. Remember that we’re going to make a Top 10 eBook? This entry will become an exclusive Top 20!

N. Gin – Crash Bandicoot

Doctor Neo Cortex’s right-hand-man; definitely the science behind the evil masterminds plans. N. Gin replaces Doctor Biro after the events of the first Crash Bandicoot game. Being part cyborg himself, N. Gin has a natural affinity for learning about sciences and creating evil machines and lasers. He’s seriously dangerous and seemingly has a nuke stuck out of his head. He’s not one to be trifled with and in the events of Crash 2, he’s seen in a giant mech suit that he built. Crazy, inventive and dangerous – A bad-to-the-metal-bone mix.

Rintarō Okabe – Steins;Gate

Okay, he’s not really a mad scientist, but he seems to think that he is. In all honesty, the amount of things Okabe has actually made could probably be counted on one hand. But he refers to himself as a mad scientist, which is “so cool”. But, even though he seems obsessed with branding himself in this way, he might not be far from the truth. He has extensive knowledge about time machines and he’s got a small team who are willing to help him with his strange, yet often interesting creations.

Professor Putricide – World of Warcraft


This is one strange, strange man – But trust me when I say he’s hugely important for the story of Warcraft in general. He’s the mad scientist behind the development of all forms of blight, plague, ooze, scourge, and death delivery. You can find him in a 25-man raid in Icecrown Citadel’s Plagueworks wing. He may be a relatively simple throw-away character in the grand scheme of things, but really if he didn’t exist, the scourge may not have plagued the world of Azeroth as much as they had.

Doctor Nefario – Despicable Me

Long time colleague and mastermind behind the villain, Gru owes most of his success to Nefario’s various constructs and contraptions, as well as the horde of genetically engineered yellow bubbles of usefulness (whose blueprints can be seen on the wall in the kid’s room, the prequel is a lie!). Nefario’s days of villaining are behind him, but he’s content to work behind the scenes so long as his works are only used for evil.

Singed – League of Legends

Literally called the Mad Chemist, Singed is one of the earliest League of Legends champions to have been introduced. He is a master chemist, so he’s great with toxins such as poison. He’s also pretty good with adhesives as well. He can slow his opponents down and just poison them; a slow brutal death. He’s able to handle himself pretty well in a fight, often favouring a slow, poisonous kill over an all out assault. He’s dangerous and can seriously change a team fight, as well as being durable in combat by himself.

Lex Luthor – Superman

It can sometimes be easy to forget that business mogul and CEO of Lexcorp is not all business, but can pull off science when he needs to as well. As a man on a mission to defeat a god, Luthor has mastered most fields of science and engineering, and constructed a suit of armour designed to tackle the Man of Steel himself. It’s no small feat, although his biggest to date may be stealing forty cakes. That’s as many as four tens.

And that’s terrible.

Everybody, cover your heads, there’s yet another assault on our cities by giant mechs! Send out those electronic pulses and switch them off – The monsters are alive and it’s all down to these mad men who got a taste of power… And they liked it. But science can be a very scary subject indeed – That’s why these men are so mad after all. They do what the rest of us could only dream to accomplish and it’s all because they have had that taste of power. Scary, to think that typically it’s age that makes you most mad.

Our experiment was a complete success and we ended up producing more in our results than anticipated; They called us mad, they said it couldn’t be done, but we’ve now listed our Top 10 favourite Mad Scientists. A little bit sad, but we couldn’t remember any female mad scientists: is this a niche that just needs to be captured? Let us know if you know of any female mad scientists in the comments below, or why not let us know what you thought of this weeks Top 10? Did we get the right candidates in our list, or did we forget about the best scientists known? Do you agree with our order? As always, leave us a comment below, or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.

Top 10 – Fictional Celebrities

GeekOut Top 10s

Worlds filled with fictional characters require people to fulfil every role. While we may follow the riveting adventures of school children and taxi drivers, they remain fascinated by popular characters that are only popular to them. You’ll never see a film starring these actors, nor read the works of the authors listed here, but to someone who doesn’t exist they’re very, very real.

If that made any sense, plough on gentle reader, through our Top 10 Fictional Celebrities. (more…)