Top 10 Over-Designed Weapons
Over-designing a weapon is something that I thought would go more to anime, but no. It turns out that over-designed weapons are all over. Video games, films, books – You name it, they’re everywhere. But what is it we mean exactly by an Over-Designed Weapon?
The weapon must be aesthetically overly thought-out; it can’t be something that just looks the usual part. It must be visually over-the-top to some capacity. However, a weapon doesn’t necessarily have to be a conventional sword, axe or so on – But it certainly helps with categorisation! Let’s check out this week’s list – It’s our Top 10 Over-Designed Weapons!
10) Chainsaw – Lollipop Chainsaw
There aren’t many chainsaws in the world which can be considered cute and cheerleader friendly, but hey, somehow our protagonist found one! This entry is going to be relatively brief, as honestly, we’re only including it because of the absurdity. When you want to find yourself a chainsaw at your local DIY store, consider what you think is important about the power tool you’re about to wield.
Are you looking for something that’ll complement your outfit? If so, you may want to find the one our cheerleader Juliet carries. Adordining adorable hearts and other visual delights, the chainsaw from Lollipop Chainsaw is both effective at killing the hordes of undead and being perfectly fabulous.
9) ZF1 – Fifth Element
Y’know what, I’m just going to give you the words from the man himself, notorious arms dealer and Gary Oldman in disguise, Mr. Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg:
“Voila! The ZF-1. It’s light; handle’s adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties; breaks down into four parts; undetectable by X-ray; ideal for quick discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Titanium recharger; 3000-round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. And with the replay button, another Zorg invention, it’s even easier. One shot and replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies-but-goldies. Rocket launcher, arrow launcher, with exploding or poisonous gas heads, very practical, our famous net launcher, the always-efficient flamethrower, my favorite… and for the grand finale, the all-new ‘Ice-cube System’!”
To pack all of that into a single pod-based weapon, you can bet it looks ridiculous, but there’s no arguing with results.
8) Warglaives of Azzinoth – World of Warcraft
We simply had to include the Warglaives of Azzinoth on this list, as it’s remarkable! It glows a bright green from all the fel energy trapped within – and it’s just absolutely stunning to look at. However, sometimes, you can create a work of art which actually, in context, is kind of useless for the intended uses. This is why we absolutely love the fantasy genre, allowing weapons like these to exist.
The above video is on the Blizzard Entertainment YouTube channel, showing how unwieldy the Warglaives really are. Illidan tells us how we’re not prepared, but honestly that’s only because he’s using one of the most awkward weapons in history. Nevermind though, it looks great and in a fantasy world it makes contextual sense. Just, I don’t know why you’d ever need a potential four blades… And two fist weapons… All in one!
7) Megatron – Transformers
One of the many advantages to being a biomechanical entity capable of assuming a wide variety of physical forms, is that when you need to be an artillery placement, you can be. You can also be a jet engine complete with missiles, honestly, why would you ever assume a humanoid form, even if that humanoid form does have a built in wrist-mounted fusion cannon?
Original Megatron simply became a Walther P38 semi-automatic pistol, but variations have included tanks, gun turrets, and who could forget the tyrannosaurus rex from Beast Wars, who – though technically a different machine – is every bit as Megatron as any other, and still came complete with unnecessarily large built-in weapons. The word over-designed is most applicable to the movie franchise, but there’s some pretty deep roots for this bad-guy.
6) The Keyblade – Kingdom Hearts
We’ve mentioned The Keyblade several times on our Top 10’s in the past; including adding it into our Top 10 Key’s list. However, when we look at it, sure it’s effective, but who the heck was the person to stare at their door key and go ‘This is a most dangerous weapon’. I feel like this person has had a traumatic experience they might want to share with the rest of us (Of course, we’re kidding).
So, The Keyblade is huge – A bit too huge for someone like Sora. Yet, magically, he’s able to swing this giant blade around as if it’s nothing. There’s a part of me that thinks he must be a really enthusiastic cosplayer, swinging huge foam props… But that’s not fair really. Sora’s a huge part of gaming history now – and The Keyblade, for however goofy and over the top the idea may be, is simply iconic.
Oh and then there’s that little Mickey Mouse head on the end of the chain. Now THAT is over-design.
5) Convectrix – Warframe
The Convectrix is a shotgun type weapon in space-ninja simulator, Warframe. However, unlike a normal shotgun, it doesn’t use a simple Shot or Slug; instead it opts for two lasers. These lasers can be held for some time, allowing them to get more and more central to one another, before finally becoming an accurate weapon. As such, this can take some time, especially in the frenetic pacing of Warframe.
Normally, when you get a shotgun in a video game, if you get right up to the enemy and click – Boom! Massive damage. In this case however, if you simply walk up to something and click, you’re going to get absolutely nothing out of it. So, charge up those beams and get ready to use the strangest, most weirdly thought-out laser shotgun you’ve ever seen in any video game.
4) Ruby’s Scythe – RWBY
Compared to some of the weapons on this list, Ruby’s Scythe is actually pretty tame and easy to comprehend. It’s a great big red scythe with some truly wonderful aesthetics about it. So with this in mind, how on earth can Ruby’s Scythe be an over-designed weapon? It all comes down to the mechanics – and it’s the mechanics of this blade that made me decide to not put Manny Calavera’s scythe on the list (though it came close!)
Our protagonist, Ruby, has this scythe which folds out in a similar fashion to Manny Calavera’s. The difference here is Ruby’s is just a lot flashier with it. Manny’s is a bit more simplistic; the blade tucks in and the pole extends before the blade pops out. Ruby’s however has to properly click down into place, in several locations, of which she can do with a swish of her wrist. It’s impressive, but no doubt if this were real, someone would have had to have planned for all the screws.
Oh look, an awesome cosplay prop article shows a real life version of this!
3) Bandit Brand Weapons – Borderlands 2
The Bandit weapon philosophy is fairly simple, if you’re reloading, you’re not shooting anything! And if you’re not shooting anything then nobody is dying!! And if there aren’t at least three exclamation marks by the end of this paragraph, strap more razor blades to the front of the damn gun!!!
Extra magazines, sawn-off barrels, bolted together bits of old gun to make a new gun, and some classic WW2 nose-art to make it extra scary! Jagged blades for their end and yours, because sharing is scaring. The extra rust helps infuse every bullet fired with a little bit of tetanus, so that even if your victims live, it’s still going to be an unpleasant future. Get yours today! Reload when you’re dead!
2) Dubstep Gun – Saints Row IV
The Dubstep Gun is as simple as it sounds; it’s a gun that blasts out some banging dubstep. Whilst that doesn’t sound so lethal, when you have cars jumping up and down, basically all gaining some crazy hydraulic suspensions in the process, it’s a whole different story. The Dubstep Gun is simple one of Saints Row’s craziest, most out there concepts and the looks of the weapon doesn’t help matters at all.
This is a conventional gun, which seemingly has been kitted out with the latest in DJing technology! By holding down the fire gun, you’re blasting out a Bangarang of a tune! But hey, don’t just take our word for it – Check out the above video and around the 1:10 mark, watch for the guy in yellow on the left hand side. No, seriously, go watch – You’ll get a good laugh out of him!
1) Bedman’s Bed – Guilty Gear
When you think of an over-designed weapon, you’ll likely be thinking of Cloud’s Buster Sword… Or hey, a Dubstep Gun! You may be thinking of axes, bows, crossbows – All forms of fantasy weapons. What if I were to tell you that our top pick is no fantasy, but actually something we’re all go to on a nightly basis? Naturally, the most logical choice for a weapon is your own bed.
Bedman first appears in Guilty Gear Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-, appearing as a contract killer. That’s a bit of a stretch, considering he’s constantly more or less comatose, but hey – Bedman is dangerous. The bed frame features these arms, a head, a buzz saw of sorts and probably a whole lot more. Whilst Bedman himself is the man wearing purple on the bed, the bed is truly one of the most over-designed, well over-engineered feats in gaming ever…
… Now, if they made a Guilty Gear live action film, I’d love to star as Bedman. I think I’ve had a lot of practice as a resident sleepyhead!
Not all weapons are made in the same forge; some of them come from stranger walks of life. Some of them aren’t really a single weapon in a conventional sense, whilst others are funny deviations. Whatever type of weapon you choose to wield in games, or observe the most in film and book – Make sure it’s well designed! Here are two more very over-designed weapons.
Halo Array – Halo
For when you absolutely have to exterminate an interstellar horde that threatens to devour all life, and there’s simply no time for a ten-year film franchise and a new glove, you might as well have an enormous space-station crossed with a devastating super weapon, the kind you only fire once every few thousand years when all other options have been utterly exhausted.
Designed to deal with The Flood, for when their infestation of the galaxy reaches unmanageable proportions, the Halo Array is the titular weapon of the Halo series. Seven rings remain of the original twelve, and the Ark, the main control unit of the entire array, and only safe place for sentient beings when the weapon is fired. Halo really knows how to turn up the “zombie apocalypse” genre up to eleven.
The Sword of Dungeons & Dragons – Magic: the Gathering
Busted into honourables for being over-the-top by necessity, the Sword of Dungeons & Dragons is a card from the recent Unstable set which was designed with humour in mind, and especially when it came to the contraption artifacts. The Sword features a standard curved blade, a spiked mace-head, a wicked spear-tip, and a combined handguard/knuckle-duster at the hilt.
The pommel features some kind of icosohedronal design, which heavily implies a tie-in to some other gaming property, which is simply not the case. The weapon applies protection from clerics and rogues, and can also be used to summon gold dragon tokens, potentially multiple times on the successful roll of a d20, which is a unique dice only ever used for this Magic the Gathering card, and is in no way a part of some affiliated product.
Sheath your over-designed sword, soldier – It’s time for us to take to the forge for repairs. Whether or not your weapon would fit amongst our strange armoury or not is to be seen. Before you leave for the day, don’t forget to help us select what next week’s Top 10 list is going to be on.
An over-designed weapon can look amazing, but we’d not be geek’s if we didn’t question them a bit. So if you’re looking for something to add to your list of weapons to craft for cosplay, why not consider some of the above? Did we get the order right, or did we forget a really strangely over-designed weapon? Let us know your favourite aesthetically complex weapons in the comments below, or over on Facebook and Twitter.